Do you know that the girl standing next to me, on the right of the picture (although she looks a bit like a boy, doesn’t she?) got…
IELTS 8 for Speaking,
IELTS 9 for Reading,
IELTS 8.5 for Listening?
Okay, her IELTS Writingscore was ‘only’ 6.5, but she told me afterward that she didn’t finish either writing task on time. Yes, slow writers will always struggle to get high scores, because underlength writing is immediately penalised. But what’s wrong with 6.5, right? And imagine the score she would have got if she had written faster. Wow. Underlength writing, and she STILL got 6.5. So, her writing was definitely good!
What really surprised me about her was the high IELTS speaking score, since she was a quiet and softly-spoken girl in class. But she did something few of my students do: studied very hard. She carefully went over every single word in my IELTS books, translating them when necessary. I noticed this in class – every page of the books covered in notes. In short, this student was diligent, committed, did all the homework, and attended every class, and followed my system. Obviously that REALLY helps.
So, try to be like her. That’s part of the key to getting that high IELTS mark. And on that subject, can I remind everyone that …. [and I’ll put it in Chinese to make it clearer] ….
思考看看自己有沒有意願參加接下來將於[Term 7] 8 月展開的一系列課程。快點加入吧!
下一期課程有週間班
IELTS Writing & Listening Course(週一三五: 晚上7–10:15 pm)[開課 August 5th– September 6th]
IELTS Reading & Speaking Course(週二四: 晚上7–10:15 pm)[開課 August 6th– September 5th],
And, if you join any of these courses, you get a … free IDP IELTS Test!
Here are the details.
只要同學報名7月14日開課的周日密集班或第七期平日全科班 ( 寫作聽力課程 or 閱讀口說課程 ) 就可以獲得一個IDP免費劍橋雅思模考名額。
Okay, we continue withanother exercises about concision.Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing, to think before you write, to cut away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.
Let us use this post to ‘fix’ the first ‘overwritten paragraph’ from Post 6. Here is the original paragraph, I.
Overwritten paragraph I
One reason I think it is not appropriate is because if everyone has a gun, then there will be more crimes, and the rate of firearm-related deaths will be elevated. Many studies in public society has showed that the firearm-related death ratio is directly correlated with gun ownership, and it also involves homicide and suicide. For example, the US is the country which has both the highest rate of gun ownership and firearms-related death, and that just proves the studies as well. [83 words]
I will change this to ….
One reason is that guns increase both homicide and suicide, as can be seen in the US.[17 words]
Huh? I cut so much out! Why? Because the first sentence …
One reason I think it is not appropriate is because if everyone has a gun, then there will be more crimes, and the rate of firearm-related deaths will be elevated.
… just means there will be more homocide and suicide (and this is said later). The second sentence …
Many studies in public society has showed that the firearm-related death ratio is directly correlated with gun ownership, and it also involves homicide and suicide.
… just repeats the fact that there will be more homicide and suicide, but with a lot of unnecessary words. Let’s just use the ‘homocide and suicide’ part, since it is good vocabulary. The third sentence…
For example, the US is the country which has both the highest rate of gun ownership and firearms-related death, and that just proves the studies as well.
… mentions the US as an example, which is good, but that’s all you need to mention, and this could be concisely combined with previous part, giving …
One reason is that guns increase both homicide and suicide, as can be seen in the US.[17 words]
83 words cut to 17! Wow! That first paragraph had so much unnecessary stuff. What about the second?
Overwritten paragraph II
Another significant problem is the increasing housing price. To live in a new place, people have to rent or buy a house; however, due to the limited amount of land, which cannot accommodate so many people, the price of housing shows a dramatic incline. A good example is happening in Hong Kong, which has the smallest amount of land but the greatest number of people who are living there. This has made the housing price become unaffordable for most citizens. [80 words]
I will change this to ….
Another problem is housing prices, which, due to the limited amount of land, shows a dramatic incline. A good example is Hong Kong, which has little land, but many people, making the housing price unaffordable for many.[37 words]
.. or ..
Another problem is housing prices, which, due to the limited amount of land, shows a dramatic incline. A good example is Hong Kong, where the housing price are unaffordable for many.[31 words]
Huh? I cut so much out! Why? Because the start of the second sentence …
To live in a new place, people have to rent or buy a house;
… is too obvious to need saying, and the first two sentences repeat a lot of content …
Increasing housing price = price of housing shows a dramatic incline.
The example given is overwritten, and could be cut to 20 (first paragraph) or 14 (second paragraph) words.
So, there you go. 83 words to 17, and 80 words to 31. The first example has the most cutting. It is now just …
One reason is that guns increase both homicide and suicide, as can be seen in the US.[17 words]
But now, let’s consider how to continue this sentence, and build a real paragraph in a strong and convincing way. Tip 16 of my book (‘Include Specific Support’) mentions a simple way to think, and we will look at that in the next post.
Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing, to think before you write, to cut away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.
But right now, can I jump straight to the answer to the previous concision post – Concision 5 – and look at Item Ten, that is, the last one in the last? Here is the original once again.
Ten
In this technologically advancing world, people are facing a variety of issues, such as articifical intelligence and robots, where a lot of jobs could be done by this new technology more easily and quicker compared to by human beings. Some companies may turn to this for support, instead of continuing to hire human beings as workers. [56 words]
However, I will change this to …
In this technologically changing world, people may be replaced by articifical intelligence and robots.[14 words]
Wow! 56 words became just 14. This example is one where the original passage was almost a whole paragraph, and yes, sometimes whole paragraphs simply repeat and repeat (and repeat), as this paragraph does.
Maybe in the next few posts, we can look at this issue – that is, repetition at the paragraphlevel (rather than at the sentencelevel). This problem is equally common among students.
So, let’s go into an exercise on this theme. Try making the following paragraphs more concise. The answer, and a complete explanation will be given in the next two posts.
Overwritten paragraph I
One reason I think it is not appropriate is because if everyone has a gun, then there will be more crimes, and the rate of firearm-related deaths will be elevated. Many studies in public society has showed that the firearm-related death ratio is directly correlated with gun ownership, and it also involves homicide and suicide. For example, the US is the country which has both the highest rate of gun ownership and firearms-related death, and that just proves the studies as well. [83 words]
Overwritten paragraph II
Another significant problem is the increasing housing price. To live in a new place, people have to rent or buy a house; however, due to the limited amount of land, which cannot accommodate so many people, the price of housing shows a dramatic incline. A good example is happening in Hong Kong, which has the smallest amount of land but the greatest number of people who are living there. This has made the housing price become unaffordable for most citizens. [80 words]
Answers to Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay?: 5 of 16
Remember, I’ve already given the answer to Ten at the start of this post. Here are the other nine.
One
From 2004 to 2014, the number of passengers has a moderate growth. It starts at less than 48 in 2004, and is almost 80 in 2014. [26 words]
… becomes …
From 2004 to 2014, the number of passengers grows from 48 to 80.[13 words]
Two
Not only does online shopping cross the obstacle of space, it also can overcome the barrier of time. [18 words]
… becomes …
Online shopping overcomes the barriers of time and space.[9 words]
Three
An example can certainly be made here. Look at the shopping website, Ebay. It provides … [15 words]
… becomes …
For example, Ebay provides …[4 words]
Ebay is such a well-known example that it doesn’t need an introduction ‘shopping website’.
Four
He was blamed for raping and murdering a child, but the evidence later proved that he was not the one who committed the crime. [24 words]
… becomes …
He was wrongly blamed for raping and murdering a child.[10 words]
Five
Nuclear energy generates great amounts of nuclear waste which is full of radiation and does harm to the human body. [20 words]
… becomes …
Nuclear energy generates harmful radioactive waste.[6 words]
Six
Most parents expect their children to marry because of the traditional concepts of life. [14 words]
… becomes …
Traditionally, most parents expect their children to marry.[8 words]
Seven
For example, the mass school shooting in Florida caused many innocent students to lose their lives. [16 words]
… becomes …
For example, the mass school shooting in Florida.[8 words]
The part ‘caused many innocent students to lose their lives’ is contained in the noun phrase ‘mass school shooting’.
Eight
Advocates of the death penalty would argue that it deters people. However, this argument is not very strong, since there is no evidence to prove that capital punishment can reduce the crime rate at all. [35 words]
… becomes …
Advocates of the death penalty would argue that it deters people. However, there is no evidence to prove this.[19 words]
Nine
There are eight categories of products which were exported from Australian in the years 2005 and 2010. [17 words]
… becomes …
There are eight Australian exports in 2005 and 2010.[9 words]
Okay, we continue withanother exercises about concision.Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing, to think before you write, to cut away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.
Try making the following sentence(s) more concise. The answers will be given in the next post (and the answers to the last post are at the end of this exercise).
One
From 2004 to 2014, the number of passengers has a moderate growth. It starts at less than 48 in 2004, and is almost 80 in 2014. [26 words]
Two
Not only does online shopping cross the obstacle of space, it also can overcome the barrier of time. [18 words]
Three
An example can certainly be made here. Look at the shopping website, Ebay. It provides … [15 words]
Four
He was blamed for raping and murdering a child, but the evidence later proved that he was not the one who committed the crime. [24 words]
Five
Nuclear energy generates great amounts of nuclear waste which is full of radiation and does harm to the human body. [20 words]
Six
Most parents expect their children to marry because of the traditional concepts of life. [14 words]
Seven
For example, the mass school shooting in Florida caused many innocent students to lose their lives. [16 words]
Eight
Advocates of the death penalty would argue that it deters people. However, this argument is not very strong, since there is no evidence to prove that capital punishment can reduce the crime rate at all. [35 words]
Nine
There are eight categories of products which were exported from Australian in the years 2005 and 2010. [17 words]
Ten
In this technologically advancing world, people are facing a variety of issues, such as articifical intelligence and robots, where a lot of jobs could be done by this new technology more easily and quicker compared to by human beings. Some companies may turn to this for support, instead of continuing to hire human beings as workers. [56 words]
Answers to Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay?: 4 of 16
One
Smoking is addictive. As a result, it is better never to be conquered by the idea of smoking in the initial stages of exposure. [24 words]
… becomes …
Smoking is addictive. As a result, it is better never to start.[12 words]
Two
Cigarettes can make them feel calmer. [6 words]
… becomes …
Cigarettes calm them.[3 words]
Three
There is a trend in which one can see that the proportion of males declines. [15 words]
… becomes …
Males decline.[7 word
‘Proportion of’ had already been mentioned a few times earlier, so it quickly becomes clear, and need not be repeated. See my IELTS Writing Task One book, page 66 Item 3.
Four
All of the European regions have a lower proportion of males than that of females, whereas in the Asian area, there is still a higher proportion of men than women. [30 words]
… becomes …
Europe has fewer males, whereas Asia has more.[8 words]
The fact that we are comparing numbers of males to females has been made clear earlier in the answer, and so does not have to be repeated.
Five
Some people think guns are necessary for self protection. When an armed robber invades your house, you can pick up the gun to protect yourself, family members, and property, because you have the guaranteed ability to fight back. [38 words]
… becomes …
Some people think guns are necessary to protect themselves, family members, and property.[13 words]
The fact that you can ‘pick up a gun to protect yourself’ is so obvious it doesn’t need saying, and the rest of the sentence just repeats.
Six
The obesity prevalence among adults for women starts at 14%. [10 words]
… becomes …
Female obesity starts at 14%.[5 words]
Seven
With capital punishment, the public can be satisfied. But the most important thing is that capital punishment can also provide comfort to the victims. [24 words]
… becomes …
With capital punishment, the public, and the victims, can be satisfied.[11 words]
Eight
There are actually a bunch of smokers who do not smoke in their private time, but only for socialising with their clients, friends, or supervisors. [25 words]
… becomes …
Many people only smoke socially.[5 words]
Nine
For example, in Taiwan, drunk driving is one of the major reasons of car accidents. Even though it can endanger other people’s lives, you still can find drunk drivers easily due to the sentence of drunk driving being far too light, so that it does not scare drivers at all. [50 words]
… becomes …
For example, in Taiwan, drunk driving is a major reasons for car accidents because the light sentences do not scare drivers at all.[23 words]
Okay, we continue withanother exercises about concision.Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing. You need to think before you write about cutting away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.
Try making the following sentence(s) more concise. The answers will be given in the next post (and the answers to the last post are at the end of this exercise).
One
Smoking is addictive. As a result, it is better never to be conquered by the idea of smoking in the initial stages of exposure. [24 words]
Two
Cigarettes can make them feel calmer. [6 words]
Three
There is a trend in which one can see that the proportion of males declines. [15 words]
Four
All of the European regions have a lower proportion of males than that of females, whereas in the Asian area, there is still a higher proportion of men than women. [30 words]
Five
Some people think guns are necessary for self protection. When an armed robber invades your house, you can pick up the gun to protect yourself, family members, and property, because you have the guaranteed ability to fight back. [38 words]
Six
The obesity prevalence among adults for women starts at 14%. [10 words]
Seven
With capital punishment, the public can be satisfied. But the most important thing is that capital punishment can also provide comfort to the victims. [24 words]
Eight
There are actually a bunch of smokers who do not smoke in their private time, but only for socialising with their clients, friends, or supervisors. [25 words]
Nine
For example, in Taiwan, drunk driving is one of the major reasons of car accidents. Even though it can endanger other people’s lives, you still can find drunk drivers easily due to the sentence of drunk driving being far too light, so that it does not scare drivers at all. [50 words]
Answers to Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay?: 3 of 16
One
The different cultural customs and spectacular landscapes can be experienced in the foreign countries at lower prices, whereas it is unlikely for them to have a similar experience at home. [32 words]
… becomes …
These unique customs and landscapes can be experienced at lower prices.[11 words]
Saying ‘unique’ already means it is ‘foreign’, so ‘foreign’ does not need to be repeated.
Two
Once people smoke, the addictive material within the cigarettes makes them keep smoking for a long time, and sometimes they will never stop. [23 words]
… becomes …
The nicotine in cigarette smoke addicts people to this habit.[10 words]
Three
For many people who successfully quit smoking, the reason is that they cannot afford the cost of buying expensive cigarettes. [20 words]
… becomes …
The reason many quit smoking is that they cannot afford it.[11 words]
By the way, do you think this is true? I personally don’t think so. Smokers will continue their habit, whatever the price. Probably the main reason people quit is because they decide that their health is more important.
Four
Nicotine can raise blood pressure and make people feel much more anxious about life. [14 words]
… becomes …
Nicotine can raise blood pressure and anxiety.[7 words]
Five
Many people face pressure due to the busy work and often complex personal affairs. [14 words]
… becomes …
Many people face work and personal pressure.[7 words]
Six
Instead of exercising, smokers would rather smoke to ease their anxiety and bad feeling. It may not be wrong, since this way is more efficient and effective in some circumstances. [30 words]
… becomes …
Smoking efficiently and effectively eases anxiety.[6 words]
The comment about ‘exercising’ is strange and irrelevant to the issue, hence, it need not be written.
Seven
It is proven that tobacco consists of many components which cause serious harm to people’s health, not only to the smoker, but also innocent bystanders, who can develop a variety of diseases, too. [33 words]
… becomes …
Tobacco can seriously harm both smokers and those around them.[9 words]
Eight
According to a report from the department of health issued in my country, lung cancer is the most common cause of cancer-related deaths in Taiwan. [25 words]
… becomes …
Lung cancer is the most common in Taiwan.[8 words]
Check my IELTS Writing Task Two book, page 184 top, which says,
Facts are facts, and when they are obvious, using introductions for emphasis is merely fluff, which is bad writing.
Page 184 bottom adds,
For obvious facts, just write it as a statement of common truth.
In Example Eight, the statement is an obvious fact, thus, we don’t need the know about the research.
Nine
Many smokers are more likely to increase their cigarette use when they are facing large amounts of pressure. [18 words]
… becomes …
People smoke more under pressure.[5 words]
Ten
For example, in the case of Chiang Kuo Ching, in which a soldier got executed by firing squad; however, the DNA evidence was found after a few years, and it could prove that he was not guilty, but by that time it was far too late. [46 words]
… becomes …
For example, Chiang Kuo Ching was a soldier who was executed; however, DNA evidence later proved his innocence.[18 words]
We continue with exercises to help you write better. Try making the following sentence(s) more concise. Your writing has to be as clear, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture, right.
The answers will be given in the next post (and the answers to the last post are given at the end of this exercise).
One
The different cultural customs and spectacular landscapes can be experienced in the foreign countries at lower prices, whereas it is unlikely for them to have a similar experience at home. [32 words]
Two
Once people smoke, the addictive material within the cigarettes makes them keep smoking for a long time, and sometimes they will never stop. [23 words]
Three
For many people who successfully quit smoking, the reason is that they cannot afford the cost of buying expensive cigarettes. [20 words]
Four
Nicotine can raise blood pressure and make people feel much more anxious about life. [14 words]
Five
Many people face pressure due to the busy work and often complex personal affairs. [14 words]
Six
Instead of exercising, smokers would rather smoke to ease their anxiety and bad feeling. It may not be wrong, since this way is more efficient and effective in some circumstances. [30 words]
Seven
It is proven that tobacco consists of many components which cause serious harm to people’s health, not only to the smoker, but also innocent bystanders, who can develop a variety of diseases, too. [33 words]
Eight
According to a report from the department of health issued in my country, lung cancer is the most common cause of cancer-related deaths in Taiwan. [25 words]
Nine
Many smokers are more likely to increase their cigarette use when they are facing large amounts of pressure. [18 words]
Ten
For example, in the case of Chiang Kuo Ching, in which a soldier got executed by firing squad; however, the DNA evidence was found after a few years, and it could prove that he was not guilty, but by that time it was far too late. [46 words]
Answers to Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay?: 2 of 16
One
Generally speaking, the exportation of coal was the biggest part of Australia’s exports, and iron was the second biggest one, both in the year 2005 and the next year, 2010. These two items when combined together were more than one half of all the exports. [45 words]
… becomes …
Generally speaking, in both years, coal and iron were the biggest and second biggest exports, respectively, together amounting to over half of the total.[24 words]
The country, ‘Australia’ was already mentioned in the introduction, and so does not need to be repeated in this Writing-Task-One overview statement.
Two
They could threaten people who are going to attack them. [10 words]
… becomes …
They could threaten attackers.[4 words]
Three
Gun owners would say that people have a right to possess guns for protection of their lives and property. They believe people have responsibilities and abilities to fight back against criminals. [32 words]
… becomes …
Gun owners would say their weapons allow them to defend against criminals.[12 words]
Four
Iron and coal are the most popular products which were traded overseas. On the other hand, the exportation percentage of wheat and meat are much less significant. [27 words]
… becomes …
The exportation of iron and coal is much more than wheat and meat.[13 words]
Five
… countries which have different culture and geographic features. [8 words]
… becomes …
…. foreign countries.[2 words]
Six
… which are easily available and accessible to the holiday makers as opposed to the previous tourists who could only find the information from travel agencies and purchase package tours. [29 words]
… becomes …
… which are now more available and accessible than before.[9 words]
Seven
The number of men in Asia is more than that of women. [12 words]
… becomes …
Asian men outnumber women.[4 words]
‘Outnumber’ is a good verb, since the concept of ‘number’ is embedded in the verb. Thus, you don’t need to use the word ‘number’; however, it is better to avoid this word for uncountable concepts. The amount of coke cannot outnumber pepsi. Here, think ‘real-world English’, and write, ‘Customers drink more coke than pepsi.’
Eight
When mass shooting events occur, they injure and kill many people, and this outcome usually shocks the whole of society. [20 words]
… becomes …
Mass shootings shock society.[4 words]
The part, ‘they injure and kill many people’ just defines ‘mass shooting’, and is too obvious to need saying [See my IELTS Writing Task Two book, p. 117].
Nine
Owning guns almost directly gives rise to the growth of crime rates. [12 words]
… becomes …
Owning guns increases crime.[4 words]
Ten
Modern life has become busier and with all the duties, bring more pressure to human beings. [16 words]
… becomes …
Life has become busier and more pressured.[7 words]
‘Human beings’ was unnecessary, and is used wrongly. See my IELTS Writing Task Two book, Page 38, Part B, where it explains this term can only be used when writing scientificially. Being busy and suffering from pressure has nothing to do with science, right. But a sentence such as, …
Global warming has now become a threat to all human beings.
… does relate to science, so this is well written.
I was going to post the next in the ‘Concision’ Series which I have just started – the ‘Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, okay? (3 of 16)’, but then I thought I’d remind you all of two nice FREE ‘IELTS’ offers. And it starts this coming Sunday.
Free observation for the IELTS Intensive SundayCoursestarting this coming Sunday!
What this means is that, this Sunday, you can come at 9.30 am, and observe the first lesson for free, and if you decide to stay (that is, join the course), you get the free IDP IELTS test as well.
Check www.aisielts.com for details, and I hope to see you there this coming Sunday, right?
The first post of this series explained all about concision. Your writing has to look as clear, efficient, and pretty as that hedge in the picture above, right?
To refresh your memory, here’s another example from a recent essay I was correcting.
The pressure people are facing everyday sometimes leads to mental disorders. Once patients suffer in such a situation, they might lose all the control of their emotions. They might release their anger by killing others by the usage of guns. [40 words]
But I changed these sentences to just one.
The pressure people face can lead to mental disorders, loss of emotional control, and then the shooting of others.[19 words]
… which is much stronger and much clearer (and less than one half of the words!!!). Got it? Now, you have to do the same. Try making the following sentence(s) more concise. The answers will be given in the next post.
One
Generally speaking, the exportation of coal was the biggest part of Australia’s exports, and iron was the second biggest one, both in the year 2005 and the next year, 2010. These two items when combined together were more than one half of all the exports. [45 words]
Two
They could threaten people who are going to attack them. [10 words]
Three
Gun owners would say that people have a right to possess guns for protection of their lives and property. They believe people have responsibilities and abilities to fight back against criminals. [32 words]
Four
Iron and coal are the most popular products which were traded overseas. On the other hand, the exportation percentage of wheat and meat are much less significant. [27 words]
Five
… countries which have different culture and geographic features. [8 words]
Six
… which are easily available and accessible to the holiday makers as opposed to the previous tourists who could only find the information from travel agencies and purchase package tours. [29 words]
Seven
The number of men in Asia is more than that of women. [12 words]
Eight
When mass shooting events occur, they injure and kill many people, and this outcome usually shocks the whole of society. [20 words]
Nine
Owning guns almost directly gives rise to the growth of crime rates. [12 words]
Ten
Modern life has become busier and with all the duties, bring more pressure to human beings. [16 words]
Okay, this is the first of yet another series about ‘concision’. I have given several long ‘concision’ series of posts before, but it’s an ongoing problem with IELTS writing, and (in my opinion), one of the biggest, and one of the reasons why IELTS marks are limited in this country. So, let’s make this series – say – 16 posts, okay?
So, what’s the big deal about ‘concision’? Unfortunately, there is much IELTS ‘preparation’ out there teaching you long weird sentences, full of redundancy and fluff. Authors write books of ‘model’ sentences to remember, trying to create ‘style’ and ‘collocation’. The worst of these simply cannot be understood, but even what seems like an efficient sentence is often overwritten. I correct IELTS writing from my students everyday, so I am constantly getting examples of over-written sentences to correct. Your writing has to look as clear, efficient, and pretty as that hedge in the picture above.
Let’s consider my IELTS Writing Books. The Task–One book has Tip 6. T Task–Two book has Tip 10. They both have the same name: CUT THE FLUFF! What is fluff? What’s wrong with fluff?
Let’s jump to a nice quote from a famous book called ‘The Elements of Style’, by Professor Strunk Jr., an English professor at Cornell University. The book was first published in the 1930s, and is now considered a classic. Here is Professor Strunk’sRule 17, and his explanation to it.
Rule 17: Omit Needless Words
Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short, or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.
Well, my rule is exactly the same: Cut the fluff! Fluff = unnecessary words, unnecessary sentences, and unnecessary thoughts. An important word is ‘concise’ and ‘concision’. On Page 17 of my Writing Task Two book, ‘concise’ is defined as …
Concise = the words are not repetitive; every word is meaningful and counts.
This is similar to Professor Strunk’s ‘[make] every word tell’. In my book, Page 33, compares the sentence
When people try to park cars in cities, they usually find it difficult.
… with …
Parking in cities is usually difficult.
… and concludes, states …
This new sentence is much shorter, and makes the same point. That is, the sentence is concise, and concision is a sign of a good writer.
And, I’ll quote Professor William Strunk Jr. one more time.
When a sentence is made shorter, it is usually made stronger.
Exactly! I sometimes think that I share some of Professor Strunk’s DNA. In IELTS Writing, his rule (which is my rule) should be your rule. So, I recently was correcting an essay which had the following two sentences.
If a thief carries a gun and enters a house to attempts to steal something, the owner could protect himself by using his own weapon. If that same owners happens to be without any weapon, and tries to call 911 for help at the time the burglar is there, he could be unable to wait for support to come, and the injury may have already happened. [66 words]
But I changed these sentences to just one.
Home owners can better defend against armed burglars, since calling for help is too slow.[15 words]
… which is much stronger and much clearer (and less than one quarter of the words!!!). All the unnecessary detail and repetition has been removed, You can see much better see and understand what the writer wants to say. That ‘hedge’ is now neat, clean, and clear.
So, if a sentence can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THAT SENTENCES! Apart from being stronger and clearer, you then have time to …
move on,
say more,
and achieve more of the task.
That sounds like a good thing to do, right? That sounds like it can help raise your IELTS mark, doesn’t it? Well, it can, and that can be proved by looking at the public version of the IELTS band descriptors, which states that …
Coherence & Cohesion IELTS 7 = there is clear progression throughout
Task Response IELTS 7 = presents, extends, and supports main ideas
The next post of this series will move straight into exercises.
Just a little while ago (on Saturday June 29th), the following Task-One Question appeared in the real IELTS test.
This is a bar chart, but the design is unusual, and there is not a lot of information given (which might make this difficult for some). Also, there is no change over time (COT), and the trends are not that clear.
So, a difficult one, but we can just follow the system given in my Writing Task One book. But before I give a sample answer, can I just put this reminder.
Yes, why don’t you tell your friends to come along for a FREE observation of real IELTS classes.
Okay, now that I’ve done that, here is the sample answer.
What follows is a summary of the outlook* young students in the UK have about the world in which they will live two decades from now, with respect to five key aspects* of life.
Generally speaking, the youth are pessimistic*, predicting a deterioration* in all aspects, apart from interpersonal communication (as technically advanced as it will certainly become). This somewhat bleak* perspective is most marked* in the natural environmental elements, and consequently personal health, which is closely affected by these.
Examining the three ingested* items: food, air, and water, opinion is equally divided over the predicted quality of the first, with only an insignificant majority seeing it worsen. It is in the second two aspects where the depression sets in*, with almost three quarters foreseeingthe air they inhale* as becoming more noxious*, and a slightly smaller majority (60%) seeing the same sad decline in water.
As for the other two aspects of life, ‘communication with others’ is the lone* cause for optimism*, with almost 70% seeing a brighter future, whereas the quality of health (argubly the most important factor of all) faces the general glum* outlook, with well over half (60%) envisaging* a negative view in the future.
[199 words]
Word Learning Time
Now, use your dictionary to find the meaning of all these words, then check how I used them in the sample answer.
1
outlook
(n)
2
aspect
(n)
3
pessimistic
(adj)
4
deterioration
(n)
5
bleak
(adj)
6
marked
(adj)
7
to ingest
(v)
8
to set in
(v)
9
to inhale
(v)
10
noxious
(adj)
11
lone
(adj)
12
optimism
(n)
13
glum
(adj)
14
to envisage
(v)
I hope all this helps, and good luck with the IELTS test.
On Saturday, June 22nd, the following Task-Two Question appeared in the real IELTS test.
Task 2
Many historical sites and museums are mainly visited by foreign tourists, instead of local people.
Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people to visit these historical sites and museums?
Okay, we have yet anotherDiscussion Question (that is, a question where you do not argue, but instead discuss or give your perspective on aspects to an issue).
If you check p.30 of my Writing Task Two book (3rd edition), you will see the recommended structure. We have to discuss the (A) causes and (B) solutions. We will use three body-paragraphs to the essay, which means doing a AAB or ABB.
Notice that there are no plural ‘s’s, which means we can use either structure. Pick the one you think is easy for you.
For me, I choose the AAB (=Cause 1, Cause 2, Solution 1) because I can immediately think of two causes (and not many solutions).
Here is the sample answer.
All large cities in the world are possessed with at least one major museum, and often a plethora* of others, yet, visits to these places would reveal they are mostly frequented* by foreigners, rather than those living locally. Thus, an analysis of the reasons, and suggestions to change this phenomenon*, is clearly warranted*.
One reason is that the locals are too engrossed* in the exigencies* of daily existence to care about, let alone waste precious time, visiting these places. Life is increasing harsh* and competitive, and almost all professionals are now committed to excessive* workloads as a matter of course. Compounding* this is the escalating* costs of residential* property and education, which are now millstones* around many people’s necks. Being so burdened*, locals sites are simply seen as irrelevant.
Another reason locals ignore their own tourist attractions is the propensity* for the exotic* and exciting, rather than what is regarded as commonplace and dull. Sustained* time off from the everyday grind* can be rare, thus people want to maximise their rejuvenation* by purging* the old through an immersion* in the new – for example, the multiplicity* of sights and sounds in Paris, rather than the conventional vistas* of Hualien, or a plush* resort in Hawaii, compared to the blandness* of some domestic* stretch of sand.
One suggestion is for government to better promote local sites, not only by their intrinsic* worth, but also a patriotic* call to prioritise* one’s own country. Tourism is a huge money earner, and an appeal* to spend domestically* (thus generating more jobs and enhancing* general economic wellbeing for all) might well strike a chord* with the similarly afflicted* masses. Such initiatives* take place in many countries under different contexts* – for example, in political campaigns* – illustrating their resonance* and effect with the public at large.
[300 words]
The essay could end here. As I say to my class, a discussion essay has no need of a ‘conclusion’, since there is nothing meaningful to conclude.
If a conclusion is written, it must be …
short [two sentences only],
not repetitive,
meaningful.
Here is an example (of 37 words), following the model on p.103 of my Writing Task Two book (3rd edition).
Possible Conclusion (if time allows)
Although the promotion of domestic* attractions is easily achieved, overcoming the resistance towards sameness is not. Unless people can better realise the intricacies* and nuances* of their own history, a change for the better might not occur.
[337 words]
Word Learning Time
Now, use your dictionary to find the meaning of all the following words, then check how I used them in the sample answer (where they are marked with a *).
1
a plethora
(n)
2
to frequent
(v)
3
a phenomenon
(n)
4
to be warranted
(adj)
5
to be engrossed
(n)
6
an exigency
(n)
7
to be harsh
(adj)
8
to be excessive
(adj)
9
to compound
(v)
10
to escalate
(n)
11
residential
(adj)
12
a millstone
(n)
13
to be burdened
(adj)
14
a propensity
(n)
15
to be exotic
(adj)
16
to be sustained
(adj)
17
a grind
(n)
18
a rejuvenation
(n)
19
to purge
(v)
20
an immersion
(n)
21
a multiplicity
(n)
22
a vista
(n)
23
to be plush
(adj)
24
to be bland
(adj)
25
domestic
(adj)
26
intrinsic
(adj)
27
to be patriotic
(adj)
28
to prioritise
(v)
29
an appeal
(n)
30
to enhance
(v)
31
to strike a chord
(v)
32
to be afflicted
(adj)
33
an initiative
(n)
34
a context
(n)
35
a campaign
(n)
36
a resonance
(n)
37
an intricacy
(n)
38
a nuance
(n)
I hope all this helps, and good luck with the IELTS test.
By the way, you can find out more about me at www.aisielts.com .
On Saturday June 22nd the Task-One Question shown above appeared in the real IELTS test. Let’s analyse it.
It is a bar chart, but we have change over time (COT). COT is, in fact, a common feature of Writing Task One.
The sample answer given below follows the system in my Writing Task One book. Here it is.
The following summarises how the submission of PHD dissertations fluctuated at a UK university, from 1990 to 2010.
Overall, in all years, the overwhelming majority of these tertiary* students (commendably* and somewhat predictably*) submitted their final papers in timely fashion. In addition, as the years passed, deadlines were more rigorously* adhered* to, with increased numbers of works (albeit*, sometimes received late) inundating* the respective professors’ desks, as well as fewer students reneging* on this onerous* academic requirement.
Considering the numbers of submitted works (late or otherwise), those who finished on time began at 15. This rate rose impressively over the next two decades, finishing at 30, the highest overall by far. Late submissions similarly increased, from three to 10, at all times being about one third of the ‘on time’ number.
As for the less auspicious* ‘failure to submit’ and ‘re-write’, the first (and most serious academic transgression*) began at 10, which was a significant (and arguably* worrying) two thirds of the ‘on time’ submissions. However, by the end of the period in question, this failure rate had fallen to six (which is minor when compared to the 40 submission). At the same time, ‘re-write’ merely fluctuated at around a very low four.
[203 words]
Word Learning Time
Now, use your dictionary to find the meaning of all these words, then check how I used them in the sample answer.
1
tertiary
(adj)
2
commendably
(adv)
3
predictably
(adv)
4
rigorous
(adj)
5
to adhere
(v)
6
albeit
(conj.)
7
to inundate
(v)
8
to renege
(v)
9
onerous
(adj)
10
auspicious
(adj)
11
transgression
(n)
12
arguably
(adv)
I hope all this helps, and good luck with the IELTS test.
By the way, you can find out more about me at www.aisielts.com .
The ‘Roll in, Roll Out’ IELTS Course’ [TTWOF] (2 of 2)
In this post, I’ll finish looking at the …
‘Roll In, Roll Out’ IELTS course syndrome.
This refers to the system some schools use, where you pay for a certain number of tuition hours, and then just ‘roll in’ to study whenever you like, and ‘roll out’ whenever you like. In the previous post, I gave my judgement about this system. As a responsible, trained, and experienced teacher as well as a Cambridge-accredited teacher trainer, my judgement was (obviously) strong. Such courses don’t make any sense. It would be MAD to pay money for an approach as (1) sloppy, (2) formless, (3) unfocussed, (4) unsystematic, and (5) aimless as that. It would just put a mass of question marks into your mind (hence the picture above).
Let’s think about it. Remember, we are not talking about general upgrading of English skills; we are talking about trying to achieve a very specific goal (say, IELTS 7) within a very specific period of time, in a very specific English proficiency test. To do this, isn’t it obvious that you need the very opposite to those (1) – (4) adjectives? You need an approach that is (1) solid, (2) shaped, (3) focused, (4) systematic, and (5) aimed. How else can you completely cover four completely different types of essays, and six completely different types of Task-1 writing (= 10 specific types of writing, and that’s just the writing!)＿
Click Teacher Andrew’s IELTS Course Design, and see the course design I have developed for preparing my students for IELTS. Just looking at Writing Task Two, it involves having good ideas (so ideas-forming techniques must be done), developing these ideas (meaning that helping students in gaining more real-world knowledge must take place), grammar, vocabulary, appropriateness, structuring, clarity, logical thinking and argumentation (always a big problem), relevance, and the practical aspects of the test (timing, word length, and techniques to finish quickly).
The key aspect to this mass of learning is a sequence, and a progression of skills, with each one building on the other, gently guiding you in a realistic and achievable way to your goal. Ideally, there must be continuity, with students attending all classes (in order), and doing the homework linked specifically to each class. This homework includes writing tasks (both Task 1 and 2), as well as the specific tips and exercises from my own IELTS books, as well as research on topics as directed by me, which is used for the very next lesson. This is all part of a carefully constructed and intricate plan, evolved after years of teaching IELTS, and this plan is the best of its kind in the world.
Roll in, roll out? An IELTS course should never be designed to be so convenient that it destroys its learning effect! Don’t be misled by that, okay?
Find the meaning of the underlined words, also repeated below.
The ‘Roll in, Roll Out’ IELTS Course’ [TTWOF] (1 of 2)
A long time ago, when I began giving the ‘Tricks to Watch Out For [TTWOF]’ posts, I mentioned that the challenge with any big school lies in getting students into the classroom. Some people will use any trick it takes to do this (including the very deceitful ‘guaranteed IELTS 7’ claim). Well, another very suspect selling strategy is the …
‘Roll In, Roll Out’ IELTS course.
This system allows you to pay for a certain number of tuition hours, and then just ‘roll in’ to study a class whenever you like, and ‘roll out’ whenever you like. The idea is to make the IELTS course as convenient (and easy for you) as possible. ‘Roll in, roll out.’ Whenever you like. Anytime. Just clock off your hours. So convenient. Fits any schedule. If you have a headache one night, just don’t go to class, and you can get it all back the next night? Or the night after. No problem. Or take a week’s holiday, then just start again a week later as if nothing has happened. Perfect, right? Or is it just a confusing set of question marks like the picture at the top of this page?
Well, all I can say is, as a Cambridge-accredited teacher trainer, and as someone who has studied English Teaching and English Course Design, and spent 10 weeks designing the syllabus for the English Language Centre at Monash University, I am absolutely appalled at such a system. I just can’t believe such a system can exist, and I am amazed that students pay to immerse themselves in it.
Think about it. In this system, …
each lesson does not connect or build on the earlier ones,
there is no sequencing or progression in the learning,
there is no beginning and no end,
no one is developing in any direction whatsoever,
you cannot know if everything will be covered, or not,
… and because of all this, …
there is little motivation or concern from either students or teachers,
your learning is seriously affected.
The first four bullet points mean that the lessons can only be just page turning from units taken at random from a collection of IELTS books. It’s just sitting on seats, listening to somebody talking (probably in Chinese) about IELTS, but you are not going anywhere, since there is no thinking, planning, or effort in anything. It is just disconnected pieces of learning. What can I say? It’s a JOKE! It is seriously MAD! As a responsible TEFL professional, I could never ever be a part of such a system because it doesn’t make any sense! For you students, it would just be an endless set of ‘question marks’ in your mind (hence the picture at the top of this page).
I’ll explain why in more detail in the next post.
[To be continued in the next post]
Find the meaning of the underlined words, also repeated below.
Tricks to Watch Out For: ‘We teach you IELTS vocabulary/grammar’
Instant IELTS ‘experts’ are everywhere now. Well, you need to be aware of the risks here. You could easily waste a lot of time and money, and send your IELTS mark downwards. In this post, I’ll look at the …
“We teach you IELTS vocabulary/grammar” syndrome.
Sounds good, right? That’s the trouble; it always sounds good, but then you begin to think about it, or do you? The trouble is, many students don’t. So, let’s think about it now, and let’s look at the facts – the real facts (hence the picture at the top of this page).
What is IELTS vocabulary?
What is IELTS vocabulary? That’s a good question. Is the word ‘society’ IELTS vocabulary, or not IELTS vocabulary? If it is IELTS vocabulary, is it IELTS 7 vocabulary, or IELTS 8 vocabulary? Is there a special IELTS police squad which decides which words are good for IELTS, and which are not?
Let’s take a long fancy word, such as ‘proclivity’. It is certain a difficult word. It isn’t commonly used. Does that make it ‘IELTS vocabulary’? Maybe IELTS 7 vocabulary? Longer and more complicated words are always better, right? But if I put this word in the sentence …. “I like proclivity”, it is actually IELTS 4 vocabulary, as the sentence doesn’t make any sense at all.
Well, I’m confused. I’ve been teaching IELTS for over 25 years, and I couldn’t write an ‘IELTS Vocabulary’ book, but the authors of all the books called ‘IELTS Vocabulary’ must have special knowledge? Maybe they know the IELTS police squad? But when I look at their ‘IELTS Vocabulary’ books, I can see words such as ‘society’, ‘computer’, and ‘hug’. Hmmmm. Actually, all the words I see could equally appear in a newspaper, so these books could also be called, ‘Newspaper Vocabulary’. They could also be called ‘English vocabulary’, but would you buy that book? No, you wouldn’t.
People long ago realised that if you put the word ‘IELTS’ on the cover, the book sells better.
If a book is just ‘Learn Vocabulary’, no one would buy it. So, the book becomes ‘IELTS 7 Vocabulary’, and everyone buys it.
If a book is just ‘English Grammar, no one would buy it. So, the book becomes ‘IELTS 7 Grammar’, and everyone buys it.
Of course, it gets worse.
If a book is just ‘IELTS 7 Vocabulary’, some people would buy it. But if the book becomes ‘IELTS 8 Vocabulary’, more people buy it.
If a book is just ‘IELTS 8 Vocabulary’, many people would buy it. But if the book becomes ‘IELTS 9 Vocabulary’, many more people buy it.
So, the word ‘IELTS 9’ is used everywhere now. ‘IELTS 9 teachers’, ‘IELTS 9 seminars’, ‘IELTS 9 tips’, ‘IELTS 9’ … well, you get the point.
But the average IELTS writing score in Taiwan is IELTS 5.5.
The average IELTS speaking score in Taiwan in IELTS 6.0.
You see, it didn’t work. Those are the fact (hence the picture at the top of this page). So, if those are the fact, why did not all this ‘IELTS 9’ stuff work?
Time to start thinking everyone.
Conclusion
Okay, let me get back to the point. There is no such a thing as ‘IELTS vocabulary’ and there’s no such thing as ‘IELTS Grammar’. It is just an invention to sell books. All those authors who make such books and all the schools/teacher which make such claims are playing a game: tricking you to make money.
At its worst, ‘IELTS vocabulary’ is just a long academic word list to memorise. However, all words come with their own grammar and pronunciation, their own situations for use, and their own connection with other words. Using these so-called ‘IELTS Vocabulary’ books is an inefficient use of your time, and can lead you into trouble.
