Concision: the key to IELTS 7 (6 of 8) // Let’s practise being concise

By | October 17, 2017

lawn-mower-938555_1920.jpg

Let’s Practice Being Concise (6 of 8)

Try making the following sentences more concise. The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

1.

Adolescents may hesitate and be under unemployed situations for a long time. In this period of time, they do not have basic economic income. [24 words]

2.

People who smoke can be fined a very large amount of money in order to discourage them from this habit. [20 words]

3.

The government can raise the tax on cigarettes to, on the one hand, reduce the number of people who buy cigarettes, and on the other hand, it can increase the tax revenue. [32 words]

4.

Seeing these pictures, smokers may spend more time thinking about whether they should keep the smoking habit or whether it is better to stop it. [25 words]

5.

Nicotine can transfer into a special substance which has the effect on the brain to reduce stress. [17 words]

Answers to Concision 5 of 8

1.

Possessing guns is a way to fight against the government which abuses its power and uses excessive authority to rule the citizens in an unfair way. [25 words]

… becomes …

Guns are a way to fight against repressive governments. [9 words]

2.

Singapore is one of the countries in the world which has capital punishment. [13 words]

… becomes …

Singapore has capital punishment. [4 words]

3.

Because of the enforcement of capital punishment, it will be a deterrent to most of the people who are intending to commit a crime. [24 words]

… becomes …

Capital punishment deters most potential criminals. [6 words]

4.

Only a small portion of the money reaches poor people. For example, in many African countries, only a very small amount of funds delivered actually reaches those in need. [29 words]

… becomes …

Only a small portion of the money reaches poor people, such as in many African countries. [16 words]

[PS: this is from my IELTS Writing Task Two Book: Ex.47, Part Two, 3b (p.121)

5.

This service could teach life skills. In addition to this, not only life skills, but also mental training can be learnt. [21 words]

… becomes …

This service teaches both life and mental skills. [8 words]

By the way, go to aisielts.com to get more information and resources to help you get that IELTS 7. 

Author: Andrew

Andrew Guilfoyle Cambridge CELTA, Cambridge DELTA, Cambridge CELTA teacher-trainer, M.Ed