FREE OBSERVATION TOMORROW for IELTS Writing Task 2 // Concision 15 of 16

By | August 30, 2019

IELTS Writing %26; Listening, night, June 2018 Good Photo I.JPG

1.

Did you know the girl next to me in the picture above (although she looks a bit like a boy) got …

  • IELTS NINE for Reading,
  • IELTS EIGHT for Speaking (which really surprised me, as she was a rather quiet bookish girl in class),
  • IELTS EIGHT for Listening.

But, let me tell you, she worked really hard, too. I remember seeing her IELTS coursebooks (the ones written by me of course) covered with writing and translations of every difficult word into Chinese. Yes, this student went through EVERY single word of every book, so she was willing to put in a lot of time and effort.

Anyhow, before I give the next post of this ‘Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, okay?‘, I thought I’d remind you all of a nice FREE ‘IELTS’ offer. And it’s tomorrow, Saturday. Thus, you should register quickly. Here are the details.

SEEING IS BELIEVING: FREE CLASS / OBSERVATION

Free observation for the IELTS Intensive Saturday Course (starting in just over a week)!

[開課 September 7th – November 23rd]

The Observation 

8月31日Andrew老師雅思課程免費試聽

試聽時間 ~ 8月31日9:30 am – 12:45 pm (Writing Task 2) 

報名方式 ~ E-mail 給師母告知你的英文名字。

課程詳情請參考 Andrew 老師網站 : www.aisielts.com .

2.

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (15 of 16)

In the second last post (in this series), we continue with concision practice with entire paragraphs! This time I will give three examples: one about nuclear power, one about guns, and one about smoking. These are real paragraph from real writing from real students, so you might realise that this problem of ‘over-writing’ is quite common.

Your job is to re-write these paragraphs, making them much more concise. The answers will be given in the next post (which will be the last post of this series).

Overwritten Paragraph (i)

A clear benefit is that the generation of nuclear power will not result in air pollution. It is very different from other forms of traditional energy, including oil natural gas, and coal. There are no greenhouse gases released during the manufacturing process of nuclear energy. Therefore, it can produce a wide variety of benefits, such as helping to mitigate global warming. [61 words]

Overwritten Paragraph (ii)

However, if the government allows everyone to possess guns, it cannot guarantee that everyone will only use guns under the circumstances of protecting themselves. In fact, the events where guns cause massive damage because people use them irrationally are more than the events that people use guns to successfully protect themselves from attack. Furthermore, using guns to defend from attack has the high possibility of hurting others’ lives. The loss of life will trigger the nervousness and fear in society, and conflicts could be more likely to happen. [88 words]

Overwritten Paragraph (iii)

For the youth, especially during the teenage period, peer pressure is sometimes a kind of force that you cannot say no to. Therefore, it is easly to make teens start smoking because of the friends or classmates. Young people might believe it can be a method to prove their personality is very different, and show the bravery to do something new in front of their friends, which is usually only thought of as something only mature people do. [78 words]

By the way, you can find out more about me at www.aisielts.com.

Author: Andrew

Andrew Guilfoyle Cambridge CELTA, Cambridge DELTA, Cambridge CELTA teacher-trainer, M.Ed