Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (11 of 16)

By | August 15, 2019

trimming a hedge.jpg

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (11 of 16)

Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing, to think before you write, to cut away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.

In the last post, we had a 83-word paragraph …

First of all, nuclear energy produces much less carbon dioxide than the other types of power stations while it is operating. That is, nuclear energy can go much further than other energy sources to reduce air pollution-related health problems. Besides, since it does not emit greenhouse gas, so too does it not contribute to global warming. The reason why nuclear energy can reduce the emission of pollutants is nuclear fission generates power without the harmful byproducts that coal, oil, and natural gas emit. [83 words]

I changed this to …

Firstly, the generation of nuclear energy produces no air pollution (including the greenhouse gas, carbon dioxide), thus improving respiratory health and mitigating global warning. [24 words]

Now, we have to build this paragraph up again using the following simple approaches from my IELTS Writing Task Two book. [Tip 16] Let’s do it.

1. Why doesn’t it produce those gases?

Let’s add ….

Nuclear fission involves no combustion of conventional fossil fuels.

2. What is the result of this input?

Let’s add ….

Thus, ultimately, society is buffered from the staggering future expense of dealing with rising sea levels and extreme weather.

  1.  

Let’s add ….

This can be seen by the UN’s recent assessment on climate change, which warned that the human race itself is imperilled if it blithingly ignores the Earth’s desparate cries for help.

Now, let’s put the whole paragraph together.

Firstly, the generation of nuclear energy produces no carbon dioxide or air pollution, thus mitigating* global warning, and improving the respiratory* health of all. Nuclear fission involves no combustion* of conventional* fossil* fuels. Thus, ultimately, society is buffered* from the staggering* future expense of dealing with rising sea levels and extreme weather. This can be seen by the UN’s recent assessment on climate change, which warned that the human race itself is imperilled* if it blithingly* ignores the Earth’s desparate cries for help. [83 words]

This is the same length as the original paragraph, but now it goes somewhere! The ideas are developed and show progress. This gives a higher IELTS mark, and, of course, I’ve added some great vocabulary (listed below), which you should now check up in a dictionary, right. Remember, vocabulary is one quarter of your writing score. Go for it!

  • to mitigate
  • respiratory
  • combustion
  • conventional
  • combustion
  • fossil
  • to buffer
  • staggering
  • to imperil
  • blithing

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com  .

Author: Andrew

Andrew Guilfoyle Cambridge CELTA, Cambridge DELTA, Cambridge CELTA teacher-trainer, M.Ed