In the previous post, I quoted from my own IELTS Writing Task Two book (Page 33, at the bottom). This page compares the sentence …
When people try to park cars in cities, they usually find it difficult. [13 words]
Parking cars in cities is usually difficult. [7 words]
and concludes …
This new sentence is much shorter, and makes the same point. That is, the sentence is concise, and concision is a sign of a good writer.
This rule should be your rule in IELTS Writing. If a sentence can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THAT SENTENCES! You then have time to …
- write more,
- say more,
- and achieve more of the task.
It’s time to practice, and in this final practice, let’s look at some longer pieces of writing.
Try making the following sentences more concise.
- Living alone has many adverse effects. People who live alone may experience feelings of isolation. For example, when people start living alone, it could make them lose emotional support. [30 words]
- Many people cannot afford a house. In other words, they do not have enough money to have a new family. [21 words]
- These crimes can cause a memory which remains forever in their minds whenever the victims think about those past events. [20 words]
- Human rights organizations have tried to abolish the death penalty, and they have launched several attacks, but so far they have not been successful. [24 words]
- Government has spent money to improve the museum environment for not only local citizens, but also the tourists who visit from all over the world. [25 words]
- Museums show real history. For example, when visitors go into one of the famous art museums such as the Louvre in Paris, they immediately see the reality of life. [29 words]
Here are the answers to Being Concise (7 of 8).
- The astronauts may bring back harmful viruses. [7 words; originally 17]
- Capital punishment is a deterrent against crime. [7 words; originally 17] [‘Making their desire to commit a crime less strong’ simply defines ‘deterrent’.]
- Purchasing online is often more economical. [6 words; originally 11] [However, the sentence: ‘Products purchased online are often cheaper’ is clearer.]
- [Examples of crime]. Thus, judicial systems exists. [4 words; originally 9]
- Improving the environment and quality of life is the main difficulty. [11 words; originally 18]
- Technology will inevitably change. [11 words; originally 4]