Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (9 of 12)

It’s been quite a while since my last post, actually. I have been busy lately, preparing and doing a seminar at the IDP Education Exhibition (last Sunday), and I’ve had a few health issues [bad back]. Again, here’s the next post of the current ‘collocation’ series.

Remember, collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1.

We must take attention on people’s mental health.

2.

This prevents people from making crime.

3.

Deaths reduce when gun control measures are conducted.

4.

Guns can kill widely.

5.

The earth is under the risk of being hit by comets.

6.

The movie won a great reputation.

7.

Goverments spend too much on discovering space.

8.

Abandoned satellites would flow in space.

Answers to Collocation 8 of 12

1.

Planet Earth encounters many problems.

Planet Earth is facing many problems.

‘Encounter’ is more for sudden things. You encounter a friend on the street, and (quickly forming) problems in life. Earth’s problems have been developing for a long time.

2.

When the nuclear waste can is broken, radiation will escape.

When the nuclear waste container is broken, radiation will escape.

3.

It takes thousands of years for the radiation to disappear.

It takes thousands of years for the radiation to dissipate.

4.

This can slow down the speed of climate change.

This can mitigate climate change.

There was nothing wrong with the first sentence, but ‘mitigate’ is more concise, less used, and more accurate, so it improves your IELTS vocabulary score.

5.

Taiwan shut down the electricity for a time due to not having enough power.

Taiwan had black-outs due to power shortages.

Again, the first sentence gives the meaning clearly enough, but the second is more concise and accurate, with better word-use, which obviously improves your IELTS vocabulary score.

6.

Fukushima had the most famous nuclear accident.

Fukushima had the most infamous/notorious nuclear accident.

This has happened before. ‘Famous’ is for positive things; ‘infamous/notorious’ is being famous for negative things. Michael Jackson is famous; Jack the Ripper is infamous/notorious.

7.

The Japanese fear re-opening their nuclear power plants.

The Japanese are reluctant to re-commission/re-start their nuclear power plants.

Once again, the first sentence gives the meaning clearly enough, but the second better for the same reasons as Sentences 5 and 6.

8.

Nuclear energy avoids air pollution damage.

Nuclear energy reduces air pollution

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (8 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1.

Planet Earth encounters many problems.

2.

When the nuclear waste can is broken, radiation will escape.

3.

It takes thousands of years for the radiation to disappear.

4.

This can slow down the speed of climate change.

5.

Taiwan shut down the electricity for a time due to not having enough power.

6.

Fukushima had the most famous nuclear accident.

7.

The Japanese fear re-opening their nuclear power plants.

8.

Nuclear energy avoids air pollution damage.

Answers to Collocation 7 of 12

1.

All the factors have to be solved.

All the factors have to be addressed.

2.

We need to prevent the environment from potential danger.

We need to protect the environment from potential danger.

3.

The speed of climate decline is increasing.

The speed of climate change is increasing.

4.

The forest in the Amazon needs immediate remedial work.

The forest in the Amazons needs immediate remedial action.

But changing the structure of the sentence would be better. For example …

        Amazonian deforestation requires immediate remedial actions.

        Immediate remedial actions needs to be done in response to this deforestation.

5.

Space missions are vastly important.

Space missions are extremely important.

‘Vastly’ relates to size or quantity. Countries can have vastly different cultures. The hotel can be vastly improved. We can see the vast expanses of the African plains, above which there is a vast number of stars.

6.

An asteroid strike put dinosaurs to extinction.

An asteroid strike rendered the dinosaurs extinct.

An asteroid strike resulted in the extinction of the dinosaurs.

7.

If an asteroid is going to hit the earth, the other problems become useless.

If an asteroid is going to hit the earth, the other problems become irrelevant.

8.

Space is a mysterious area.

Space is a mysterious environment.

‘Area’ is for smaller and more defined things – the area in front of my apartment, or next to that chair, for example.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (7 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1. All the factors have to be solved.

2. We need to prevent the environment from potential danger.

3. The speed of climate decline is increasing.

4. The forest in the Amazon needs immediate remedial work.

5. Space missions are vastly important.

6. An asteroid strike put dinosaurs to extinction.

7. If an asteroid is going to hit the earth, the other problems become useless.

8. Space is a mysterious area.

Answers to Collocation 6 of 12

1. Nuclear power stations are taken care of.

Nuclear power stations are well maintained.

We take care of children, or the mobile phone which someone lends to you. Also, as p.33 of my Writing Task Two book says, try to avoid multiple-word verbs. They can often be replaced by a more formal and concise single-word verb. For example, …

            Avoid…                                   and try for …

Get rid of                  = eliminate

Find out                    = determine

Go up and down       = fluctuate

Come up with            = suggest

Hang out with             = associate with

2. In an emergency condition, guns are needed

In an emergency situation, guns are needed.

3. Smokers should be banned from public spaces.

Smokers should be banned from public areas.

4. With online shopping, people have to expose personal information.

With online shopping, people have to reveal personal information.

5. Smoking is harmful behaviour.

Smoking is a harmful habit.

6. The government needs to set landmarks as free places to visit.

The government needs to establish/designate landmarks as free places to visit..

7. Students need to learn about the disadvantages to smoking.

Students need to learn about the dangers of smoking.

8. For teenagers, opinion from their peers is important.

For teenagers, approval from their peers is important.

9. The nicotine activates receptors to release dopamine.

The nicotine stimulates receptors to release dopamine.

10. The prisoner was sentenced to the death penalty.

The prisoner was given the death penalty.

You could also write, ‘The prisoner was sentenced to death’.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

1.平日雅思寫作和聽力課程 

上課時間 ~ 每週一三五晚上7–10：15 pm 

授課日期 ~ 10月14日 至11月15日

課程時數 ~ 至少49個小時 ( 一堂課3hrs15mins共15堂課 )

學費 ~ 17500元 ( 每小時均價357元 + 兩本上課用書600元 )

2.平日雅思閱讀和口說課程

上課時間 ~ 每週二四晚上7–10：15 pm

授課日期 ~ 10月15日至11月14日 

課程時數 ~ 至少33個小時 ( 一堂課3hrs15mins共10堂課 )  

學費 ~ 11000元 ( 每小時均價333元 + 兩本上課用書600元 )

PS. 以上兩個課程可以擇一報名也可以只選擇單一技巧報名，詳細課程訊息以及團報優惠規則請同學參考Andrew老師的網站aisielts.com

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (6 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1.

Nuclear power stations are taken care of.

2.

In an emergency condition, guns are needed

3.

Smokers should be banned from public spaces.

4.

With online shopping, people have to expose personal information.

5.

Smoking is a harmful behaviour.

6.

The government needs to set landmarks as free places to visit.

7.

Students need to learn about the disadvantages to smoking.

8.

For teenagers, opinion from their peers is important.

9.

The nicotine activates receptors to release dopamine.

10.

The prisoner was sentenced to the death penalty.

Answers to Collocation 5 of 12

1.

There is a big amount of buildings in cities.

There is a large amount of buildings in cities.

2.

The right to life should not be despoiled by any person or government.

The right to life should not be violated by any person or government.

We violate rights. We despoil views, churches, and the environment. Despoil means … well, spoiling something by taking away all the nice or attractive parts.

3.

The results of the police investigation can be not true.

The results of the police investigation can be unreliable.

4.

Thus, we can believe some of these people were innocent.

Thus, we can conclude some of these people were innocent.

5.

The level of punishment which criminals should receive ….

The degree/type of punishment which criminals should receive ….

6.

Smokers will encounter many health problems.

Smokers will face/suffer from many health problems.

7.

The smell of smoke is easily discovered.

The smell of smoke is easily noticed/detected.

8.

We cannot stand just one nuclear explosion.

We cannot accept just one nuclear explosion.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com  .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (5 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1.

There is a big amount of buildings in cities.

2.

The right to life should not be despoiled by any person or government.

3.

The results of the police investigation can be not true.

4.

Thus, we can believe some of these people were innocent.

5.

The level of punishment which criminals should receive ….

6.

Smokers will encounter many health problems.

7.

The smell of smoke is easily discovered.

8.

We cannot stand just one nuclear explosion.

Answers to Collocation 4 of 12

1.

If we can find energy in space, the advantages are unimaginable.

… hugely beneficial discoveries, such as finding a source of energy in space.

‘Unimaginable’ is used for negative things. The student has written about positive results. So, the effects of a nuclear war, or a sudden increase in global temperature are unimaginable. By the way, a good collocation here is ‘almost’+ ‘unimaginable’.

The statement is also ‘of the obvious’. Tip 15 of my book (last page) says, ‘some things are just too obvious to need saying’. This is one of those cases, so the sentence needs to be re-written.

2.

We spend more budget on the arms race than on space.We spend more money on the arms race than on space.

A good rule is to never ever use the word ‘budget’. I have never ever seen this used correctly – ever.

We don’t spend/use/waste/need/lose budget.

We spend/use/waste/need/lose money!

It doesn’t cost/need/waste/require/take too much budget!

It costs/needs/wastes/requires/takes too much money!

How do you use ‘budget’ correctly? As I said, it is better not to try.

3.

Exploring space costs a vast amount of money.

Exploring space costs an enormous amount of money.

‘Vast’ is just too big. There are a vast number of stars in the sky; vast amount of water in the ocean, vasts numbers of insects in the world. Vast is for truly large numbers/amounts.

4.

According to the surveillance video, my passport was taken.

As shown/revealed/proven by the surveillance video, my passport was taken.

‘According to’ is not used for hard facts. You would not say, ‘According to mathematicians, 1 + 1 = 2’. ‘According to’ is used to refer to a source or an authority from where you have got some information (which could be wrong – you never know, do you?).

According to doctors, you should wash your hands before every meal.

According to Bob, Lisa is pregnant.

According to the latest scientific reports, it’s now too late to stop global warming.

According to the latest gossip, …… .[ ..etc..]

5.

Guns are a risk when falling into the wrong use.

Guns are a risk when falling into the wrong hands.

This is a very clear collocation. We always say ‘wrong hands’ here.

6.

The government needs to educate people the correct way.

The government needs to teach people the correct way.

We just educate people. [Stop] But we can teach them something. Right now I’m teaching you how to better collocate words, right?

7.

Raising the tax is the straightest way to solve this problem.

Raising the tax is the most direct way to solve this problem.

8.

People want to flee from the pressure in life.

People want to escape from the pressure in life.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (4 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1. If we can find energy in space, the advantages are unimaginable.

2. We spend more budget on the arms race than on space.

3. Exploring space costs a vast amount of money.

4. According to the surveillance video, my passport was taken.

5. Guns are a risk when falling into the wrong use.

6. The government needs to educate people the correct way.

7. Raising the tax is the straightest way to solve this problem.

8. People want to flee from the pressure in life.

Answers to Collocation 3 of 12

1. Online shopping prevents people from walking to shops.

Online shopping saves people from walking to shops.

2. As awareness of the threats of smoking has developed, …

As awareness of the risks of smoking has developed, …

3. People cannot refuse tobacco because of its nicotine.

People cannot resist tobacco because of its nicotine.

4. One reason is that the fee of travelling is much cheaper now.

One reason is that the cost/expense of travelling is much cheaper now.

5. Travellers need to conquer the obstacles when they travel.

Travellers need to overcome the obstacles when they travel.

6. The government should make advertisements to promote their own country.

The government should produce/design advertisements to promote their own country.

7. SARS was one of the most rigorous viruses this decade.

SARS was one of the most deadly/contagious/virulent viruses this decade.

‘Rigorous’ means ‘thorough and careful’ [e.g. rigorous safety checks, rigorous inspection] or ‘strict or severe’ e.g. [rigorous enforcement of the law, rigorous application of punishment].

8. AIDS has been studied for years, but there is still no solution.

AIDS has been studied for years, but there is still no cure/effective treatment.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com  .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (3 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1. Online shopping prevents people from walking to shops.

2. As awareness of the threats of smoking has developed, …

3. People cannot refuse tobacco because of its nicotine.

4. One reason is that the fee of travelling is much cheaper now.

5. Travellers need to conquer the obstacles when they travel.

6. The government should make advertisements to promote their own country.

7. SARS was one of the most rigorous viruses this decade.

8. AIDS has been studied for years, but there is still no solution.

Answers to Collocation 2 of 12

1. … yet people think different perspectives.

Yet people have different perspectives.

2. Nuclear energy has the risk of an explosion.

Nuclear energy carries the risk of an explosion.

3. Teenagers need to avoid the peer pressure.

Teenagers needs to resist the peer pressure.

4. A serious earthquake happened in Japan.

A major earthquake happened in Japan.

Perhaps this earthquake caused serious damage. Earthquakes are a serious worry in Japan, and many people should give serious consideration to this.

5. Countries should not make nuclear energy.

Countries should not generate nuclear energy.

6. The police sometimes force people to admit to their crimes.

The police sometimes force people to confess.

The police sometimes coerce people into confessing.

7. This murderer was renowned for his brutal crime.

This murderer was notorious/infamous for his brutal crime.

‘Renowned’ = famous and admired for a special skill or achievement. It is for positive aspects. For example, ‘Teacher Andrew is renowned for his ability to prepare students for IELTS.’ An orchestra can be world-renowned. So, we need a word that means ‘renowned’ for its badness, and the two adjectives: ‘notorious’ and ‘infamous’ do this.

8. Traditional shopping allows people to touch the texture of the goods.

Traditional shopping allows people to feel the texture of the good.

We touch the product, not the texture.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (2 of 12)

Collocation is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score, but it is not easy. Students often do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). To have ‘a sense of collocation’ (= IELTS 7), you need to have some familiarity with English, and the words must fit together just like the pieces in the above picture. So, start reading all my pixnet posts, and getting this familiarity, right?

In the meantime, the following exercises will help.

Time to Practice

Can you ‘fix’ the following sentences by changing (or removing) the underlined word? There may be different ways to answer this. The answers will be in the next ‘collocation’ post.

1. … yet people think different perspectives.

2. Nuclear energy has the risk of an explosion.

3. Teenagers need to avoid the peer pressure.

4. A serious earthquake happened in Japan.

5. Countries should not make nuclear energy.

6. The police sometimes force people to admit to their crimes.

7. This murderer was renowned for his brutal crime.

8. Traditional shopping allows people to touch the texture of the goods.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do Collocation Again, Okay? (1 of 12)

Introduction to Collocation

Okay everyone, it’s time (once again) to return to collocation. But let me begin by (re)introducing this concept. Let’s look at the public version of the IELTS Band Descriptors. These state that for your Writing Vocabulary Mark …

Band 7

Uses less common words with some awareness of style and collocation.

Band 8

Skillfully uses words but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.

Notice the word, ‘collocation’. So, what does it mean? Collocation means putting together groups of words in accepted and stylish way, like the jigsaw pieces in the picture above. For example, in English, we don’t usually say …

• big rain,
• big damage,
• big wind,

… as you do in Chinese. In English, it is much better to say …

• heavy rain,
• serious damage,
• strong wind.

Looking at verbs, we don’t usually say …

• make heavy rain,
• make serious damage,
• make strong wind.

It does depend on the situation, but it would be better to say …

• create heavy rain,
• inflict serious damage,
• generate strong wind.

All the words must fit together well – they must ‘mesh’, just like the jigsaw pieces in the picture at the top of this post. By the way, I have already presented some very useful material on collocation on my website. Click Teacher Andrew’s website: Good Collocation to see it.

Students mostly do not collocate words very well (which is why they don’t receive IELTS 7 or 8). Bad IELTS material encourages students to memorise wordy phrases that no native writer would ever produce, and which often don’t make sense (for example, one student wrote: ‘concluding theories representing the solution can be portrayed in detail’). The collocation is strange, and the word choice weird.

Collocation is important, but it is not so easy – but it is the key to getting a higher IELTS Writing and Speaking score. The exercises to help you with this will begin in the next post.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Before beginning the next series of IELTS posts (about collocation), I have to mention the coming IELTS Preparation courses.

Do you know that the girl in the above picture (who looks a bit like a boy, actually) standing next to me got…

• IELTS 8 for Speaking,
• IELTS 9 for Reading,
• IELTS 8.5 for Listening?

Okay, her IELTS Writing score was ‘only’ 6.5, but she told me afterward that she didn’t finish either writing task on time. Yes, slow writers will always struggle to get high scores, because underlength writing is immediately penalised. But what’s wrong with 6.5, right? And imagine the score she would have got if she had written faster. Think about it. Both writing tasks were underlength writing, and she STILL got 6.5. So, her writing was definitely good!

What really surprised me about her was the high IELTS speaking score, since she was a quiet and softly-spoken girl in class. But she did something few of my students do: studied very hard. She carefully went over every single word in my IELTS books, translating them when necessary. I noticed this in class – every page of the books covered in notes. In short, this student was diligent, committed, did all the homework, and attended every class, and followed my system. Obviously that REALLY helps.

So, try to be like her. That’s part of the key to getting that high IELTS mark. And on that subject, can I remind everyone that …. [and I’ll put it in Chinese to make it clearer] ….

參考影片內容裡面有提供中文翻譯，並思考看看自己有沒有意願參加接下來將於[Term 8] 9 月展開的一系列課程。快點加入吧! 

下一期課程有週間班

Afternoon IELTS Writing & Listening  Course  (週一三五: 下午2–5:15 pm) [開課 September 9^th – October 11^th]

Evening IELTS Writing & Listening Course (週一三五: 晚上7–10:15 pm) [開課 September 9^th – October 11^th],

Evening IELTS Reading & Speaking  Course  (週二四: 晚上7–10:15 pm) [開課 September 10^th – October 10^th], 

還有週末班

All-day IELTS Intensive Saturday Course  (週六 9:30–5:15 pm)  [開課 September 7^th – November 23^rd]. 

天天提供免費試聽!

Yes, you can book to observe a class any time [and this is FREE]. This includes the first class of all the above courses. So, why don’t you come along just to watch the first class, then you can make the decision to join later, right. Remember, as we say in English, seeing is believing.

So, see you in my class – your first step to IELTS success, and you too can be like that girl next to me in the picture at the top.

Click on www.aisielts.com for more details.

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (16 of 16)

In this final post (in this series), we conclude by giving the answer to the three ‘over written’ paragraphs given in the previous post. Here they are.

Here’s the first paragraph.

Overwritten Paragraph (i)

A clear benefit is that the generation of nuclear power will not result in air pollution. It is very different from other forms of traditional energy, including oil natural gas, and coal. There are no greenhouse gases released during the manufacturing process of nuclear energy. Therefore, it can produce a wide variety of benefits, such as helping to mitigate global warming. [61 words]

I will change this to …

A clear benefit of nuclear power is that, unlike oil, natural gas, and coal, there are no greenhouse gases released, which mitigates global warming. [24 words]

Here’s the second paragraph.

Overwritten Paragraph (ii)

However, if the government allows everyone to possess guns, it cannot guarantee that everyone will only use guns under the circumstances of protecting themselves. In fact, the events where guns cause massive damage because people use them irrationally are more than the events that people use guns to successfully protect themselves from attack. Furthermore, using guns to defend from attack has the high possibility of hurting others’ lives. The loss of life will trigger the nervousness and fear in society, and conflicts could be more likely to happen. [88 words]

I will change this to …

However, allowing guns does not guarantee these weapons will be used rationally. Irrational gun violence may be more prevalent, and even legitimate defensive uses are liable to result in injury and death, only exascerbating the tension over this issue.

[27 words]

Overwritten Paragraph (iii)

For the youth, especially during the teenage period, peer pressure is sometimes a kind of force that you cannot say no to. Therefore, it is easly to make teens start smoking because of the friends or classmates. Young people might believe it can be a method to prove their personality is very different, and show the bravery to do something new in front of their friends, which is usually only thought of as something only mature people do. [78 words]

I will change this to …

For teenagers, peer pressure is sometimes an irresistable force, and smoking can prove they have the courage, maturity, and individuality of adults. [22 words]

Got it? By cutting all the repetition, by writing concisely, I now have time to write better words, aiming to achieve at least …

Coherence & Cohesion IELTS 7     = there is clear progression throughout

Task Response IELTS 7                                = presents, extends, and supports main ideas

… by …

• moving on,
• saying more,
• and achieving more of the task.

Well, that’s the end of this ‘concision’ series, and I hope it helped. In the next series, I’ll go back to ‘collocation’ – which is another big problem.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com  .

1.

Did you know the girl next to me in the picture above (although she looks a bit like a boy) got …

• IELTS NINE for Reading,
• IELTS EIGHT for Speaking (which really surprised me, as she was a rather quiet bookish girl in class),
• IELTS EIGHT for Listening.

But, let me tell you, she worked really hard, too. I remember seeing her IELTS coursebooks (the ones written by me of course) covered with writing and translations of every difficult word into Chinese. Yes, this student went through EVERY single word of every book, so she was willing to put in a lot of time and effort.

Anyhow, before I give the next post of this ‘Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, okay?‘, I thought I’d remind you all of a nice FREE ‘IELTS’ offer. And it’s tomorrow, Saturday. Thus, you should register quickly. Here are the details.

SEEING IS BELIEVING: FREE CLASS / OBSERVATION

Free observation for the IELTS Intensive Saturday Course (starting in just over a week)!

[開課 September 7^th – November 23^rd]. 

The Observation 

8月31日Andrew老師雅思課程免費試聽

試聽時間 ~ 8月31日9:30 am – 12:45 pm (Writing Task 2) 

報名方式 ~ E-mail 給師母告知你的英文名字。

課程詳情請參考 Andrew 老師網站 : www.aisielts.com .

2.

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (15 of 16)

In the second last post (in this series), we continue with concision practice with entire paragraphs! This time I will give three examples: one about nuclear power, one about guns, and one about smoking. These are real paragraph from real writing from real students, so you might realise that this problem of ‘over-writing’ is quite common.

Your job is to re-write these paragraphs, making them much more concise. The answers will be given in the next post (which will be the last post of this series).

Overwritten Paragraph (i)

A clear benefit is that the generation of nuclear power will not result in air pollution. It is very different from other forms of traditional energy, including oil natural gas, and coal. There are no greenhouse gases released during the manufacturing process of nuclear energy. Therefore, it can produce a wide variety of benefits, such as helping to mitigate global warming. [61 words]

Overwritten Paragraph (ii)

However, if the government allows everyone to possess guns, it cannot guarantee that everyone will only use guns under the circumstances of protecting themselves. In fact, the events where guns cause massive damage because people use them irrationally are more than the events that people use guns to successfully protect themselves from attack. Furthermore, using guns to defend from attack has the high possibility of hurting others’ lives. The loss of life will trigger the nervousness and fear in society, and conflicts could be more likely to happen. [88 words]

Overwritten Paragraph (iii)

For the youth, especially during the teenage period, peer pressure is sometimes a kind of force that you cannot say no to. Therefore, it is easly to make teens start smoking because of the friends or classmates. Young people might believe it can be a method to prove their personality is very different, and show the bravery to do something new in front of their friends, which is usually only thought of as something only mature people do. [78 words]

By the way, you can find out more about me at www.aisielts.com.

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (14 of 16)

Remember, in the last post, we had a 83-word paragraph …

Overwritten Paragraph

However, in most cases, the innocent people do not have any interest in owning weapons. As a result, the right of gun possession will presumably open the door for those gun enthusiasts who only have the intention to make use of these devices to commit a crime. Therefore, a legalisation of gun ownership would not reduce the crime rate or the many misfortunes caused by a crime – in fact, it would do quite the opposite. It will almost certainly only worsen the case. [83 words]

I changed this to …

However, gun possession inevitably leads to more crimes. [8 words]

Now, we have to build this paragraph up again using the following simple approaches from my IELTS Writing Task Two book. [Tip 16] Let’s do it.

1. Why does it do this?

Let’s add ….

The stark lethality of these weapons give power over others, and ultimately power corrupts, particularly for those who are weak, unintelligent, or desperate – and in the ruthless and competitive modern world, their numbers are considerable.

2. What is the result of this?

Let’s add ….

Such people, after gaining legitimate access to arms, seldom foresee the possibility of failure when contemplating criminal acts, and can be easily spurred into action.

Let’s add ….

A highly illustrative example is America, where gun crime is rampant, unabating, and often shocking.

Now, let’s put the whole paragraph together.

However, gun possession inevitably* leads to more crime. The stark* lethality* of these weapons give power over others, and ultimately* power corrupts*, particularly for those who are weak, unintelligent, or desperate – and in the ruthless* and competitive modern world, their numbers are considerable.  Such people, after gaining legitimate* access to arms, seldom foresee* the possibility of failure when contemplating* criminal acts, and can be easily spurred* into action. A highly illustrative example is America, where gun crime is rampant*, unabating*, and often shocking. [83 words]

This is the same length as the original paragraph, but now it goes somewhere! The ideas are developed and show progress. This gives a higher IELTS mark, and, of course, I’ve added some great vocabulary (listed below), which you should now check up in a dictionary, right. Remember, vocabulary is one quarter of your writing score. Go for it!

• to be stark
• to be lethal
• ultimately
• to corrupt
• to be ruthless
• to be legitimate
• to foresee
• to contemplate
• to spur
• to be rampant
• to be unabating

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (13 of 16)

Let us use this post to ‘fix’ the ‘overwritten paragraphs’ from the previous post, Post 12. Remember, we want it to be as trim and neat and clear as the hedge in the above picture.

Here is the original first paragraph.

Overwritten Paragraph

However, in most cases, the innocent people do not have any interest in owning weapons. As a result, the right of gun possession will presumably open the door for those gun enthusiasts who only have the intention to make use of these devices to commit a crime. Therefore, a legalisation of gun ownership would not reduce the crime rate or the many misfortunes caused by a crime – in fact, it would do quite the opposite. It will almost certainly only worsen the case. [83 words]

I will change this to …

However, gun possession inevitably leads to more crime. [8 words]

83 words cut to 8! Huh? Double wow! Why did I do this? Well, read that original paragraph again, and you might realise that it actually says very little (in very many words). Yes, that’s what students write, and that’s why they get low IELTS marks.

I only needed 8 words to give the message, but again, why?

Well, the first sentence…

However, in most cases, the innocent people do not have any interest in owning weapons.

… doesn’t actually say that much, or link to the next sentence, so … don’t write it.

The second sentence…

As a result, the right of gun possession will presumably open the door for those gun enthusiasts who only have the intention to make use of these devices to commit a crime..

… begins to say something: gun possession = more crime.

This can, obviously be said in simpler words as I just wrote above in blue. Let’s turn it into a sentence.

Gun possession leads to more crime.

The third sentence…

Therefore, a legalisation of gun ownership would not reduce the crime rate or the many misfortunes caused by a crime – in fact, it would do quite the opposite..

… doesn’t add anything, and isn’t that clear anyway. It seems to just repeats what was said in the first sentence, so … again, don’t write it.

The final sentence…

It will almost certainly only worsen the case.

… just repeats the original message again. So, we are left with…

Gun possession = more crime.

… which we can re-write a bit more smoothly into the sentence which I gave at the start of this post, namely:

However, gun possession inevitably leads to more crime. [8 words]

Well, 8 words is not a paragraph, so we really need to build this up, right. Do you remember how to do it? Tip 16 of my book (‘Include Specific Support’) mentions a simple way to think.

Can you try these approaches, and rebuild the sentence into a paragraph? The next post will show you a possible answer.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .