Remember, you can still join the IELTS Courses (Term 7) // Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (8 of 16)

By | August 6, 2019

IELTS Writing %26; Listening, night, June 2018 Good Photo I.JPG

Term 7 AIS IELTS Courses – Still time to Join! (and get the FREE IELTS test!)

The term 7 IELTS Writing & Listening Course started yesterday (Monday), but you can still join, but you MUST get in by this coming Wednesday (Lesson 2). We can arrange a free make-up lesson for the missed first lesson.

The Term 7 IELTS Reading & Speaking Course starts tonight (Tuesday), so, get in. It’s great fun, really useful, with all the tips, hints, practice, with all my experience (25 years of it) about the real IELTS tests.

And remember, you get a FREE IELTS trial test at IDP if you join any of these courses! [Check the previous post, where I gave all the details, to find out more about this].

Now, the picture changes to …

trimming a hedge.jpg

Let’s do ‘Concision’ Again, Okay? (8 of 16)

Remember, you need to make your writing as trim, neat, and defined as that hedge in the picture shown above. That means doing some work, as that lady is the picture is doing, to think before you write, to cut away words and phrases that repeat, are unnecessary, or unclear.

In the last post, we reduced a 83-word paragraph to 17. 83 words cut to 17. Wow! That first paragraph had so much unnecessary stuff. But now, let’s consider how to continue this sentence, and build a real paragraph in a strong and convincing way. Tip 16 of my book (‘Include Specific Support’) mentions a simple way to think.

Approach

1

Why?

2

Result/

Consequence

3

General Example

4

Specific Example

Let’s try these approaches. Look at the cut paragraph (= single sentence) again.

One reason is that guns increase both homicide and suicide, as can be seen in the US. [17 words]

Now, let’s think.

One: Why do guns do this?

Let’s add ….

Guns give the possessor a power, and power corrupts. Add to this human weakness, the greed for easy money and an affluent lifestyle, and the stresses of a fiercely competitive and sometimes dehumanising society, and there is a volatile mix.

Two: What is the result of knowing these skills?

Let’s add ….

The result is generally deteriorating public safety, as exemplified by the recent Florida school shooting, where one alienated psychologically-afflicted teenager left carnage in his wake.

Now, let’s put the whole paragraph together.

One reason is that guns increase both homicide and suicide, as can be seen in the US. Guns give the possessor a power, and power corrupts. Add to this human weakness, the greed for easy money and an affluent lifestyle, and the pressure of a fiercely competitive and sometimes dehumanising society, and there is a volatile mix. The result is generally deteriorating public safety, as exemplified by the recent Florida high-school shooting rampage, where one alienated psychologically-afflicted teenager left carnage in his wake.

[83 words]

This is the same length as the original paragraph, but now it goes somewhere! The ideas are developed and show progress. This gives a higher IELTS mark.

So, in the next post, I’ll continue with concision practice, but again, instead of sentences, we’ll try it with entire paragraphs! Remember, this problem is equally common among students.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com  .

Author: Andrew

Andrew Guilfoyle Cambridge CELTA, Cambridge DELTA, Cambridge CELTA teacher-trainer, M.Ed