Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (6 of 30)

By | September 10, 2018

6. butterfly.jpg

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (6 of 30): Sentences

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). A butterfly is an incredibly complicated creature, a mixture of many million tiny parts, but we see in the picture above a simpler image. Yes, if you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

It is highly possible, in fact, almost certain, that the bullying will continue. [13 words]

Two

An oven is used to rearrange the interior structure of the plastic, changing the way the nolecules of plastic are composed. By this machine, the preliminary material of the plastic is formed into granules. [34 words]

Three

The fact is that asking for help is not a practical method to deal with the problem of school bullying. [21 words]

Four

For example, in the much superior healthcare service, superior education system, and the better-designed transportation infrastructure. [16 words]

Five

The amount starts at 6.3%, which is gloomy when put in comparison with its urban counterpart. [16 words]

Six

The Japanese liked to take coaches more than the other types of transport. [13 words]

Answers to Concision 5 of 30: Sentences

One

We need some solutions to deal much better with this problem. [11 words]

… becomes …

We need better solutions. [4 words]

Two

Scientists may one day figure out an answer to solve this problem. [12 words]

… becomes …

Scientists may solve this. [4 words]

Three

The bullies can continue to hurt people, and make them do many things which they do not want to do. [20 words]

… becomes …

The bullying will continue. [4 words]

Four

They can learn a skill, and the best thing is that they do not even have to pay money to learn this skill. [23 words]

… becomes …

They can learn a skill for free. [7 words]

Five

They can bully them using language and many bad words, or even by doing the things which hurt them. [19 words]

… becomes …

They can bully them physically and verbally. [7 words]

Six

Online shopping has become more common. The reason why people are choosing to shop online rather than go to stores on the street is due to the common access to the Internet and the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [39 words]

… becomes …

Online shopping has become more common due to the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [14 words]

The second sentence basically repeats the first, and circles around, with the only new material (‘popularity of ….’) at the end. So, that it the only part you need.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Author: Andrew

Andrew Guilfoyle Cambridge CELTA, Cambridge DELTA, Cambridge CELTA teacher-trainer, M.Ed