Category Archives: Tips & Help

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (10 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (10 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). That picture of a waterfall is actually complicated, but we don’t see it as something complicated. It is all put together in simple and recognisable patterms In the same way, if you can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

Crime rates have a strong association with the number of guns possessed by the people living in the society. If more people possess guns, the crime rate will also increase. [30 words]

Two

Gun owners sometimes use guns for mass shootings. There was a news report that in Las Vegas, there was a mass shooting which caused many people to die. [28 words]

Three

Nicotine is a highly addictive drug, which makes people want to keep getting more of it, and thus it becomes a habit which they cannot quit easily. [27 words]

Four

The youth think smoking is the way to behave which makes them look like an adult. [16 words]

Five

There are a variety of solutions which can be used to reduce the amount of smoking. The most effective of these methods would be to ... [25 words]

Six

This loses the good preservation of the home countries’ traditional customs, since people do not pay attention to those traditions in the country as much as before. [27 words]

Answers to Concision 9 of 30: Sentences

One

One of the main causes is that many people who live in this modern society have too much sense of insecurity about marriage. [24 words]

… becomes …

One of the main causes is the sense of insecurity over marriage. [12 words]

Two

Global warming is a fact, and there is much evidence which proves that it is happening right now on our planet. [22 words]

… becomes …

Global warming is a fact. [5 words]

Global warming is happening now. [5 words]

Three

Furthermore, there is another problem, and it is called global warming. Scientists have realised that global warming has become a serious concern all around the world. They need to spend more time to research this. [36 words]

… becomes …

Furthermore, scientists need to do more research on global warming. [10 words]

Four

Many people have died from diseases which do not have any treatment which has been invented to cure these dangerous diseases. [22 words]

… becomes …

Many people have died from incurable or untreatable diseases. [9 words]

Five

Another reason is nuclear power creates less greenhouse gas emission compared to fossil fuel. It does not emit carbon dioxide when operating. By contrast, coal-fired power plants emit greater amounts of greenhouse gas, which leads to global warming. [39 words]

… becomes …

Another reason is nuclear power plants create less carbon dioxide than coal-fired ones, thus mitigating global warming. [17 words]

The original had two sentences, but the second sentence just repeats most of the first. Thus, we combine the sentences, eliminating all the repetition. Check the meaning of ‘mitigate’ in your dictionary.

Six

In 2005, the product with the highest proportion of export was coal. [12 words]

… becomes …

In 2005, the biggest export was coal. [7 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (9 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (9 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). The picture above is actually composed of millions of small parts, but the parts fit together in clear ways, giving a simple (and beautiful) image, which we can all recognise at once. Think about that when you write. You don’t want lots of complicated words all mixed together to confuse everyone. You want a message which is clear and understandable. So, if you can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

One of the main causes is that many people who live in this modern society have too much sense of insecurity about marriage. [24 words]

Two

Global warming is a fact, and there is much evidence which proves that it is happening right now on our planet. [22 words]

Three

Furthermore, there is another problem, and it is called global warming. Scientists have realised that global warming has become a serious concern all around the world. They need to spend more time to research this. [36 words]

Four

Many people have died from diseases which do not have any treatment which has been invented to cure these dangerous diseases. [22 words]

Five

Another reason is nuclear power creates less greenhouse gas emission compared to fossil fuel. It does not emit carbon dioxide when operating. By contrast, coal-fired power plants emit greater amounts of greenhouse gas, which leads to global warming. [39 words]

Six

In 2005, the product with the highest proportion of export was coal. [12 words]

Answer to 8 of 30: Sentences

One

The death penalty tends to deter people who may have the potential to commit crime. [15 words]

… becomes …

The death penalty can deter people from crime. [8 words]

Two

The death penalty can make criminals consider about whether they are willing to commit another crime. [16 words]

… becomes …

The death penalty can make criminals reconsider. [7 words]

Or we can use the same sentence as Example 1.

Three

… their studies in the future. [5 words]

… becomes … their future studies. [3 words]

… sales around the world. [4 words]

… becomes … global sales. [2 words]

… difficult for both their minds and bodies. [7 words]

… becomes … physically and mentally difficult. [4 words]

… specific teaching strategies according to their gender. [7 words]

… becomes … gender-specific teaching strategies. [4 words]

… a risk which is difficult to predict. [7 words]

… becomes … an unpredictable risk. [3 words]

Four

Some people say that the shopping experience one receives when doing traditional shopping is unique. [15 words]

… becomes …

Some people say that the traditional shopping experience is unique. [10 words]

Five

It could be argued that online shopping helps the consumers to save time as well as the cost of travelling to physical stores. [23 words]

… becomes …

It could be argued that online shopping saves time and money. [11 words]

Six

However, the energy obtained from the nuclear method of production has …. [11 words]

… becomes …

However, nuclear energy has …. [4 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (8 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (8 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). That peacock’s feather above is actually incredibly complicated, but all the parts fit together in a simple way to make a clear pattern. That’s the same you should write. If you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

The death penalty tends to deter people who may have the potential to commit crime. [15 words]

Two

The death penalty can make criminals consider about whether they are willing to commit another crime. [16 words]

Three

… their studies in the future. [5 words]

… sales around the world. [4 words]

… difficult for both their minds and bodies. [7 words]

… specific teaching strategies according to their gender. [7 words]

… a risk which is difficult to predict. [7 words]

Four

Some people say that the shopping experience one receives when doing traditional shopping is unique. [15 words]

Five

It could be argued that online shopping helps the consumers to save time as well as the cost of travelling to physical stores. [23 words]

Six

However, the energy obtained from the nuclear method of production has …. [11 words]

Answers to Concision 7 of 30: Sentences

One

This is useful in order to defend the country from foreign attacks. [12 words]

… becomes …

This is useful for national defence. [6 words]

Two

Living alone affects people’s mental health. The research shows some bad influences of living alone is that the feeling of loneliness and depression is more clear and more common. [30 words]

… becomes …

Living alone affects people’s mental health. Loneliness and depression is more common. [12 words]

Claims about research are often used by students as a method to get words. There are many ‘model sentences’ beginning with, ‘There is a variety of authoritive research which shows that …’, but think, are the following sentences logical.

There is a variety of authoritive research which shows that men are taller than women.

There is a variety of authoritive research which shows that technology is advancing.

There is a variety of authoritive research which shows that living creatures need food.

Remember, facts are facts, and the public version of the IELTS Band Descriptors says that …

            ‘Overusing cohesive devices = IELTS Five’!

Also see my IELTS Writing Two Book, p.184 and p.188 bottom.

Three

To prevent an incident like this one from happening again in the future, ... [13 words]

… becomes …

To prevent a similar incident from happening, … [7 words]

Four

There are still some who think that compulsory military service is a necessary way. They may think many things, such as having more soldiers represents a stronger military. [28 words]

… becomes …

There are still some who think that compulsory service strengthens the military. [12 words]

Five

For example, in Singapore, the government using hanging to deter other criminals, and the result of using this method is successful. [21 words]

… becomes …

For example, Singapore successfully uses this method. [7 words]

Six

Without happiness in your job, you will become unhealthy, which means emotional problems will affect your life. Additionally, dealing with work with a negative attitude will cause missed opportunities for promotion. [31 words]

… becomes …

Unhappiness at work could lead to emotional problems, and missed promotional opportunities. [12 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (7 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (7 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). The picture of the flower above is simply beautiful – beautiful because it’s so simple. Yet it is actually a very complex creation. But nature has presented it simply, not confusingly. We don’t have a mess of detail, but instead the simplicity of elegant lines. Think like that when you write. If you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

This is useful in order to defend the country from foreign attacks. [12 words]

Two

Living alone affects people’s mental health. The research shows some bad influences of living alone is that the feeling of loneliness and depression is more clear and more common.  [30 words]

Three

To prevent an incident like this one from happening again in the future, ... [13 words]

Four

There are still some who think that compulsory military service is a necessary way. They may think many things, such as having more soldiers represents a stronger military. [28 words]

Five

For example, in Singapore, the government using hanging to deter other criminals, and the result of using this method is successful. [21 words]

Six

Without happiness in your job, you will become unhealthy, which means emotional problems will affect your life. Additionally, dealing with work with a negative attitude will cause missed opportunities for promotion. [31 words]

Answers to Concision 6 of 30: Sentences

One

It is highly possible, in fact, almost certain, that the bullying will continue. [13 words]

… becomes …

The bullying will inevitably continue. [5 words]

Two

An oven is used to rearrange the interior structure of the plastic, changing the way the nolecules of plastic are composed. By this machine, the preliminary material of the plastic is formed into granules. [34 words]

… becomes …

Heating in an oven rearranges the inner structure of the plastic into granules. [13 words]

Three

The fact is that asking for help is not a practical method to deal with the problem of school bullying. [21 words]

… becomes …

Asing for help is not practical. [6 words]

The rest of the sentence (‘deal with the problem of school bullying’) is all obvious from the previous sentences, which have already introduced this subject.

Four

For example, in the much superior healthcare service, superior education system, and the better-designed transportation infrastructure. [16 words]

… becomes …

For example, in the better healthcare, education, and transportation services. [10 words]

Five

The amount starts at 6.3%, which is gloomy when put in comparison with its urban counterpart. [16 words]

… becomes …

The amount starts unpromisingly at 6.3%. [6 words]

Six

The Japanese liked to take coaches more than the other types of transport. [13 words]

… becomes …

The Japanese prefered coaches. [4 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (6 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (6 of 30): Sentences

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). A butterfly is an incredibly complicated creature, a mixture of many million tiny parts, but we see in the picture above a simpler image. Yes, if you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

It is highly possible, in fact, almost certain, that the bullying will continue. [13 words]

Two

An oven is used to rearrange the interior structure of the plastic, changing the way the nolecules of plastic are composed. By this machine, the preliminary material of the plastic is formed into granules. [34 words]

Three

The fact is that asking for help is not a practical method to deal with the problem of school bullying. [21 words]

Four

For example, in the much superior healthcare service, superior education system, and the better-designed transportation infrastructure. [16 words]

Five

The amount starts at 6.3%, which is gloomy when put in comparison with its urban counterpart. [16 words]

Six

The Japanese liked to take coaches more than the other types of transport. [13 words]

Answers to Concision 5 of 30: Sentences

One

We need some solutions to deal much better with this problem. [11 words]

… becomes …

We need better solutions. [4 words]

Two

Scientists may one day figure out an answer to solve this problem. [12 words]

… becomes …

Scientists may solve this. [4 words]

Three

The bullies can continue to hurt people, and make them do many things which they do not want to do. [20 words]

… becomes …

The bullying will continue. [4 words]

Four

They can learn a skill, and the best thing is that they do not even have to pay money to learn this skill. [23 words]

… becomes …

They can learn a skill for free. [7 words]

Five

They can bully them using language and many bad words, or even by doing the things which hurt them. [19 words]

… becomes …

They can bully them physically and verbally. [7 words]

Six

Online shopping has become more common. The reason why people are choosing to shop online rather than go to stores on the street is due to the common access to the Internet and the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [39 words]

… becomes …

Online shopping has become more common due to the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [14 words]

The second sentence basically repeats the first, and circles around, with the only new material (‘popularity of ….’) at the end. So, that it the only part you need.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (5 of 30)

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Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (5 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). Think about it. A cat’s face is composed of a million pieces of hair, but the beauty of it is when they all fit together clearly in a simple way. Yes, if you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

We need some solutions to deal much better with this problem. [11 words]

Two

Scientists may one day figure out an answer to solve this problem. [12 words]

Three

The bullies can continue to hurt people, and make them do many things which they do not want to do. [20 words]

Four

They can learn a skill, and the best thing is that they do not even have to pay money to learn this skill. [23 words]

Five

They can bully them using language and many bad words, or even by doing the things which hurt them. [19 words]

Six

Online shopping has become more common. The reason why people are choosing to shop online rather than go to stores on the street is due to the common access to the Internet and the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [39 words]

Answers to Concision 4 of 30: Sentences

One

The numbers of males were more than females. [8 words]

… becomes …

The number of males exceeded females. [6 words]

Two

North America and South America have the same trend, which shows that the proportion between men and women in these two continents was the same. [25 words]

… becomes …

Both North and South America have an equal proportion of both genders. [12 words]

Three

… an oven equipped with the technology to create high pressure. [10 words]

… becomes …

… a high-pressure oven. [3 words]

Four

… children at the age of five. [6 words]

… becomes …

… children aged five. [3 words]

Five

… for people who may be stronger or more powerful than the others around them. [14 words]

… becomes …

… for stronger or more powerful people. [6 words]

Six

NASA has been developing new technology to generate power from space. Solar cells are one of the most important pieces of technology that NASA keeps developing. And solar cells can also benefit people’s lives greatly. [35 words]

… becomes …

NASA has been developing solar cells, which can greatly benefit society. [11 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (4 of 30)

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Yes, it’s back to Concision, Again (4 of 30): Sentences

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). You want to make complicated things (like the picture above) fit together to be something clear and beautiful. Remember, if you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise. The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

The numbers of males were more than females. [8 words]

Two

North America and South America have the same trend, which shows that the proportion between men and women in these two continents was the same. [25 words]

Three

… an oven equipped with the technology to create high pressure. [10 words]

Four

… children at the age of five. [6 words]

Five

… for people who may be stronger or more powerful than the others around them. [14 words]

Six

NASA has been developing new technology to generate power from space. Solar cells are one of the most important pieces of technology that NASA keeps developing. And solar cells can also benefit people’s lives greatly. [35 words]

Answers to Concision 3 of 30: Sentences

One

Online shopping has improved in recent years by the method of using advanced technology. [15 words]

… becomes …

Online shopping has improved due to technology. [7 words]

Technology has improved online shopping. [5 words]

Two

There is a great number of people who have a smoking habit, although they have the inner awareness that cigarettes are unhealthy to their bodies, and also cause negative effects on all those people around them who do not smoke. [40 words]

… becomes …

Many people smoke, although they know it is unhealthy for them and those around them. [15 words]

Three

In the modern world, smoking is so common that people can easily see this behaviour not only in their daily life but also in the movies or television series. [29 words]

… becomes …

Smoking can be commonly seen, both on screen and in daily life. [12 words]

Four

The population growth issue is one of the most serious problem in many nations of the world. [17 words]

… becomes …

Population growth is a serious issue. [6 words]

Five

Among a diverse number of the younger generation, there is a substantial feeling that they do not want to get married. [21 words]

… becomes …

Many of the younger generation no longer want to marry. [10 words]

Six

The table shows the usages of three Internet search engines: Yahoo, Google, and Altavista, over three separate years: 1990, 1995, and 2000. [22 words]

… becomes …

The table shows the usages of Yahoo, Google, and Altavista, from 1990 to 2000. [14 words]

There was nothing wrong with the original sentence, since the ‘extra’ words (‘of three Internet search engines’ and ‘over three separate years’) give information – that is, the words have meaning, and therefore count. Sometimes I have used similar structures in my book, BUT I write a lot faster than Intermediate students of English. In IELTS, the biggest problem students have is producing enough words in the required time, so, in a practical sense, the second (blue) sentence is better. Be practical!

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

Let’s Practice Being Concise (3 of 30): Time to Practise

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Let’s Practice Being Concise (3 of 30)

In the previous post, I showed (or proved) that being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). If you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

You want complicated ideas (like the night sky) all fitting together in some clear patterns [hence the above picture]. We looked at an example sentence, but now, let’s go a bit further, and look at an example paragraph. Here it is.

Example Two: Paragraph Level

The second example is a whole paragraph, but it’s a paragraph which ‘circles’.

People tend to want to fulfil their the goals which they have set themselves first, and only then will they start to think about the issue of getting married or having a baby. This does not only happen with men, but also women, and it is most due to an obvious trend in society, and that is that women are more independent than they used to be, and can now earn much more money than before. [75 words]

This may look good, but look what I can do. Let’s change this to …

People want to first fulfil their life goals, and only then think about marriage and babies, especially women, who are now more financially independent. [24 words]

Wow! 24 words compared to 76! My sentence is less than 1/3 of the original (!!!), and the message is exactly the same, which shows that the first sentence was over-written. Got it? It’s your turn.

This post, and the next six (412) will all have exercises looking at sentences, or sentence fragments, and how to ‘fix’ them (= make them more concise).

The posts after that (1330) will look at single ‘circling’ paragraphs, and how to ‘fix’ them.

I’ll finish this post by giving you the first of the ‘sentence-level’ practice exercises.

Try making the following six sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

Online shopping has improved in recent years by the method of using advanced technology. [14 words]

Two

There is a great number of people who have a smoking habit, although they have the inner awareness that cigarettes are unhealthy to their bodies, and also cause negative effects on those people around them who do not smoke. [39 words]

Three

In the modern world, smoking is so common that people can easily see this behaviour not only in their daily life but also in the movies or television series. [29 words]

Four

The population growth issue is one of the most serious problem in many nations of the world. [17 words]

Five

Among a diverse number of the younger generation, there is a substantial feeling that they do not want to get married. [21 words]

Six

The table shows the usages of three Internet search engines: Yahoo, Google, and Altavista, over three separate years: 1990, 1995, and 2000. [22 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

Yes, it’s back to concision again – The Value of Concision (2 of 30)

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The Value of Concision (2 of 30)

In the previous post, I quoted from my own IELTS Writing Task Two book (Page 33, at the bottom), which states …

This new sentence is much shorter, and makes the same point. That is, the sentence is concise, and concision is a sign of a good writer.

Concision helps give you that ‘clear progression’ (= IELTS 7). Thus, if a sentence can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THAT SENTENCES! You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

Let us look at the first of two examples.

Example One: Sentence Level

The first one is a sentence.

There are more than seven billion people living on earth, which is the only planet humans can live on or stay for long periods suitably without the aid of technology, up to the present day.  [34 words]

This doesn’t look too bad, but it could be changed to

There are more than seven billion people living on earth, which is the only suitable planet. [16 words]

There! Concise and clear. I managed to take 18 words off. The new sentence is less than half of the first. And now, those 18 words could be used to write something more, such as …

Yet it is cracking under the strain, and global warming, in particular, is an implacable and ever-increasing threat. [18 words]

Okay, putting those two blue sentences together, gives us….

There are more than seven billion people living on earth, which is the only suitable planet. Yet it is cracking under the strain, and global warming, in particular, is an implacable and ever-increasing threat. [34 words]

This is lovely writing – as lovely as the picture at the top of this post. It is just as smooth and elegant, with great collocation (‘cracking under the strain’, ‘implacable threat’), which suggests at least

Lexical Resource 7    = some awareness of style and collocation

[from the public version of the IELTS Band Descriptors]

… and the sentence moves onwards nicely, which suggests at least:

Coherence & Cohesion 7 = there is clear progression throughout

[from the public version of the IELTS Band Descriptors]

… and I am explaining and developing my point, which suggests at least …

Task Response 7 = presents, extends, and supports main ideas.

[from the public version of the IELTS Band Descriptors]

That was IELTS 7, and I’m talking ‘at least’! [= it is actually more, IELTS 9, although it does depend on whether it is relevant to the essay topic, and connected with the surrounding text].

In the next post, I will give one more example as an introduction to concision – but this example will be a whole paragraph. In that post, I will also begin the first of the practice exercises.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

Yes, it’s Back to Concision (again) [1 of 30]: The Value of Concision

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The Value of Concision (1 of 30)

Okay, after having written no less than 50 (!) posts all about the nature of English-language teaching and the sad, backwards, and fraudulent world of IELTS/English teaching in Taiwan (and all the consumer advice you need to know), I’ll move on. To what? What’s the next step? [er …. there’s the link to the above picture].

Well, now, I’ll go back to helping you directly with the English language and your IELTS writing. I’ll look at ‘concision’. I have given ‘concision’ posts before, but it’s an ongoing problem with IELTS writing, and (in my opinion), one of the biggest, and one of the reasons why IELTS marks are limited in this country.

I correct IELTS writing from my students everyday, so I am constantly getting examples of over-written sentences to correct. Just a few days ago, I had a students who wrote,

Government should commit funds to increasing the budget on education.

I had underlined this, and put ‘WW’ (= Wrong words) under several of the words, and the student argued that it was a good sentence since it was from a ‘famous’ book (from mainland China, written by a Chinese person, titled something like … ‘IELTS 7 in 10 days’). I said, ‘Why don’t you just write,

Government should spend more on education.

The student insisted the first sentence was better because it was in an IELTS book which, ‘Everyone says is good.’  Then I asked,

  1. Who’s the author of that book?     Ans.: [a first name]
  2. Is he a qualified teacher?       Ans.: ‘I don’t know.’
  3. Is he an IELTS examiner?     Ans.: ‘No.’
  4. Is he cultural western?    Ans.: ‘No’.
  5. Do you know anything at all about that author?     Ans.: ‘Not really.’
  6. Are there proven crendential on the back cover?   Ans.: ‘I don’t know.’
  7. Did you look for these?    Ans.: ‘No.’
  8. So why do you trust that book?    Ans.: [Silence / No answer]

Unfortunately, there is much IELTS ‘preparation’ out there teaching you long weird sentences, full of redundancy and fluff. Authors write books of ‘model’ sentences to remember, trying to create ‘style’ and ‘collocation’. The worst of these simply cannot be understood, but even what seems like an efficient sentence (as in the example I just gave) is often overwritten.

So, let’s look at concision again, and since there are 30 posts to this series, a couple of introductory posts are needed. This is the first of them.

Let’s consider my IELTS Writing Books. The TaskOne book has Tip 6. T TaskTwo book has Tip 10. They both have the same name: CUT THE FLUFF! What is fluff? What’s wrong with fluff?

Let’s jump to a nice quote from a famous book called ‘The Elements of Style’, by Professor Strunk Jr., an English professor at Cornell University. The book was first published in the 1930s, and is now considered a classic. Here is Professor Strunk’s Rule 17, and his explanation to it.

Rule 17: Omit Needless Words

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short, or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Well, my rule is exactly the same: Cut the fluff! Fluff = unnecessary words, unnecessary sentences, and unnecessary thoughts. An important word is ‘concise’ and ‘concision’. On Page 17 of my Writing Task Two book, ‘concise’ is defined as …

Concise = the words are not repetitive; every word is meaningful and counts.

This is similar to Professor Strunk’s ‘[make] every word tell’. In my book, Page 33, at the bottom, states …

This new sentence is much shorter, and makes the same point. That is, the sentence is concise, and concision is a sign of a good writer.

And, I’ll quote Professor William Strunk Jr. one more time.

When a sentence is made shorter, it is usually made stronger.

I sometimes think that I share some of Professor Strunk’s DNA. His rule (which is my rule) should be your rule in IELTS Writing. If a sentence can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THAT SENTENCES! You then have time to …

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

That sounds like a good thing to do, right? That sounds like it can help raise your IELTS mark, doesn’t it? Well, it can, and that can be proved by looking at the public version of the IELTS band descriptors, which states that …

Coherence & Cohesion IELTS 7    = there is clear progression throughout

Task Response IELTS 7   = presents, extends, and supports main ideas

Let’s continue this discussion in the next post by looking at some examples.

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

(50 of 50) CLT & TAIWAN: The Final Post of this Series!

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(50 of 50) MODERN LANGUAGE TEACHING (CLT) & TAIWAN: The Final Post of this Series

Final Thoughts – and the end of this series!

Well, after 49 posts, I come to the very last of this series: this post, the 50th ! That’s a lot of posts, a lot of information, and a lot of knowledge for you to digest – with so many English phrases, and so much reading practice and vocabulary for you to learn, while at the same time making you a more informed and educated person, and thus a wiser consumer. So, what can I say to conclude all these thoughts? What about an example which just happened.

I just had a student who, after doing my courses, informed me that she got 6.5 for IELTS (6, 6, 6, 7) in her very first test. I was a bit surprised because she was quite weak, but she did both my IELTS Writing & Listening Course, and Reading & Speaking Course, and has told me that she studied very hard after finishing the course (carefully reading my IELTS books, and practising with my IELTS Test Practice Books).

This student is very happy, and is now applying to go abroad to continue her studies. She will achieve her goals, contribute to the world, and make it and herself better. And I helped it happen. Wow! Isn’t that a good thought? The future lies ahead for her, and it is one of promise and exploration (hence the picture at the top of this post).

Every one, think! Just think, and think positively. Think about the amazing world we live in, and think about how if you really want to enjoy it, your mind needs to be open, receptive, and always thinking.

When you are hurt or attacked by nasty and malicious people, think like the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurellius:

When people attack you, don’t think about how bad life is, but instead how lucky you are that you can show them how you will not give up or let them get you down.

Then, feel sorry for those people who have closed hearts, diminished spirits, twisted minds, and shrunken souls.

We have a brain – an amazing brain – and it is our blessing, and we must use it for good in this world, never bad. So, use that thinking mind in that way, and don’t be prey to self-serving and deceitful people who may be around you.

Always think and analyse. Never allow yourself to be tools and agents of bad people. Reject darkness, refuse nastiness, be repelled by dishonesty, and avoid the corruption of anyone who may be around you. By using your mind as it is meant to be used, you can rise above them, and the light which comes from you will shine on others.

The most beautiful people are positive people, those with open hearts and open minds who want others to also advance in this world. Be this sort of person!  Learn to shine with knowledge and learning and the joy of helping others, in whatever small way you can. That is what we are all in the world for, and that’s what can make it, and you, truly wonderful. Aim for that rainbow.

Good luck in the future.

Now, check that you know the meaning of the underlined vocabulary (also repeated below).

  • to digest (v)
  • to contribute (v)
  • to be receptive (adj)
  • to be malicious (adj)
  • to be diminished (adj)
  • to be twisted (adj)
  • to be shrunken (adj)
  • prey (n)
  • to repel (v) // to be repelled by [sth.]
  • corruption (n)

If you want to find out more about me, go to www.aisielts.com .

(49 of 50) CLT & TAIWAN: Summarising Posts 1 – 48, and what you need to learn

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(49 of 50) MODERN LANGUAGE TEACHING (CLT) & TAIWAN: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT

Final Thoughts I

Wow! I have written 48 posts in a connected coherent thread, examining the nature of language learning, comparing the ‘old’ days of grammar-translation-memorisation with modern CLT, and examining the reaction of those who still might want the old system. I then looked at the ‘unreal/fake teacher’ syndrome, and gave examples and ways to recognise this, and thus help you in the future.

All of these are complex and emotional issue, and ones which strikes squarely at you, the students, and this country, Taiwan. Maybe, before giving the last post of this series, I should summarise all the points I have been trying in Posts 1 – 48. There are 12 of them.

A Summary of CLT Taiwan: Posts 1 – 48

Point 1

The ‘Grammar-translation’ is an ineffective way to teach or learn, and modern CLT is necessary.

Point 2

Memorisation is not a ‘learning’ strategy, and is fundamentally dishonest, corrupting, and self-defeating. Those who use this method for teaching are similarly dishonest, corrupt, and self-serving.

Point 3

For best learning, the main language of the classroom needs to be English.

Point 4

Teaching English/IELT is a highly skilled profession, and therefore the teachers need to be qualified and experienced in TEFL methodology, and determined to put this methodology into practice (or, in other words, a decent human being who became a teacher in order to help others).

Point 5

The bushiban industry (whether schools or independent teachers) in Taiwan runs as a money-making business, and thus, its goal is not to educate you, but to make money.

This means both schools and individuals are often corrupt, and will use dishonest methods to get your money. It is a sad fact that a large number of IELTS teachers out there are fake. They are not teachers; they are tricksters, frauds, and con-artists.

Point 6

Following Point 5, you, the students, definitely need to know the credentials of your teacher, and have proof of them and/or know all the signs that suggest the teacher/school is not real or, even worse, a complete fake.

Point 7

Students often find it culturally difficult to question or judge those who claim to be teachers, and this is one of the reasons why the system doesn’t change. It doesn’t have to change. The money is rolling in already.

Point 8

Similarly, the social media is often being used as a tool for manipulation and brainwashing, and you should be very careful about what you think is true, and judge everything you read very carefully.

Point 9

However, there are easy to recognise signs of fakeness/not being real teachers. They are …

i.          Teacher speaking in Chinese

ii.         Use of memorisation

iii.        Claims of guaranteed scores

iv.        Constant Explanations (in Chinese) in class

v.         “You only talk to the teacher”.

vi.        “I can predict the answers in the IELTS test.”

Point 10

There are similarly recognisable signs which should make you worried about your so-called teacher. They are …

i. No observation.

ii. Whiteboard Use.

iii. Very short courses.

iv. Correction/Writing in Class

v. No TEFL qualifications//”I got IELTS 9”.

vi. Claiming to be a ‘former’ IELTS examiner

You need to apply this analysis to every teacher of IELTS/English.

Point 11

You, the student, need to think more carefully about the nature of learning a language, and what it really takes to achieve higher band scores in the IELTS test.

As well as accepting Points 14, you need to realise that learning a language will take time and effort, and, as I say in all my IELTS books, “There is no magic answer.” You have to realise that those who claim otherwise are simply tricking you.

Point 12

If everyone could respond to Points 1 – 12, quality education, true learning, and the noble spirit (of actually helping others) would eventually emerge, and become the ruling ethic of the teaching industry. And only you, the student, can make it happen!

So there it is: 12 points. However, if you, the student, don’t accept these points, or don’t believe in them, and sink into the ‘old’ systems of grammar-translation-memorisation, listening to Chinese with your favourite ‘famous’ teacher throughout the whole IELTS course, that is your choice. Everyone is free to choose.

But what will happen to you if you do this? I can’t be sure, but I do know that so many students who have first come to me admit they have spent months or even years of their time, and large amounts of their money, and got nowhere! And that is the tragedy. The tragedy is that a system which confines and reduces you, puts you in a box, then closes the lid, is so widespread. It is crushing and corrupting a generation of students, and most don’t even know this.

But I honestly hope now that every single student of IELTS will eventually truly become an intelligent and wise consumer. This needs to happen for the standards of teaching of English and IELTS in Taiwan to truly improve, and move into this modern 21st century world.

This is not just important for you; it is important for your country: Taiwan.

If you want your country to succeed in this competitive world, spread the news about the true nature of English-language learning, and the true signs of good teaching of it. Demand it from every single teacher you have, and, if you don’t find it, go elsewhere. That’s the only way to move forward.

Please read the next post, which is the final post of this 50-post series.

If you want to find out more about me, go to aisielts.com .

Now, check that you know the meaning of the underlined vocabulary (also repeated below).

  • coherent (adj)
  • an (online conferencing) thread (n)
  • manipulation (n)
  • brainwashing (n)
  • a tragedy (n)
  • to confine (v)
  • to crush (v)
  • to corrupt (v)
  • to be competitive (adj)

(48 of 50) CLT & TAIWAN: Summarising all the Signs

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(48 of 50) MODERN LANGUAGE TEACHING (CLT) & TAIWAN: Summarising all the Signs

Well, I’m getting to the end of this long series – in fact, there are two concluding posts (49 and 50), but before that, I think it would be good to provide a summary of the previous series of posts about being fake/not-real and reasons for worrying about your teacher or school. This is a handy list which you can apply to any school or teacher of English/IELTS before you decide to give them your money. Check all the facts (hence the picture), and remember, ask for proof as well. Here are all the signs.

The Six Signs of Being Fake/Not-real

  1. The teacher speaks (and ‘explains’) mostly in Chinese.
  2. The teacher uses memorisation, or use books and material that do this.
  3. The teacher/school makes claims of ‘guaranteed scores’.
  4. The teacher talks and ‘explains’ all the time in class.
  5. The teacher/school advertises that “You only talk to the teacher”.
  6. There is the impossible claim that “I can predict the answers in the IELTS test.”

The Six Signs Which Should Make You (Very) Worried

  1. The school or teacher does not allow observation.
  2. The school or teacher only uses a whiteboard.
  3. The IELTS course is short (or very short).
  4. The teacher corrects IELTS Writing Assignments in class (and makes you write in class).
  5. The teacher shows no TEFL qualifications, or no proof of TEFL qualifications (or just claims, “I got IELTS 9 in the IELTS Test’).
  6. The teacher says he is a ‘former’ IELTS examiner.

Predator 2.jpg

So, Be Careful!

Remember, there are teachers of IELTS out there, whether independent or with schools, who show all six signs of being fake/not-real at the same time! They also show most of the signs which should make you worried. You need to walk carefully among all the snakes (hence the picture). It is so sad that such people can convince you to give them so much money. The fact that it is so easy for people to pretend they are teachers easily explains why more of them are appearing. They can do something requiring so little effort which makes them so much money. It is their students who suffer, and many of them don’t even realise this. You need to follow the three rules I mention on my website.

  1. Be Critical!
  2. Be Skeptical!
  3. Demand Proof.

The next post will begin the first (of two) final entries, containing the final thoughts about everything I have been carefully trying to explain in this long series of posts.

If you want to find out more about me, go to www.aisielts.com .

(47 of 50): CLT & Taiwan: Analysing a Serious (and Dangerously) Fake Teacher

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(47 of 50) MODERN LANGUAGE TEACHING (CLT) & TAIWAN: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT

Analysing a Seriously Fake Teacher (i)

In the previous post, I mentioned about the worst sort of fake, who used the system described in Post 27. He operated via PTT for years, and managed to get huge amounts of money from naïve and gullible students. And he is still operating. But hopefully you are not gullible. Hopefully you know the signs. Well, now it’s time to analyse. Let’s put this fake through the ‘signs of being fake/not-real test and find out about the true person (and his DNA: hence, the picture above).

The Six Signs Of Being Fake/Not-Real

  1. The teacher speaks mostly in Chinese.

This teacher spoke totally in Chinese. He actually didn’t even know English. This is truly unbelievable. An English teacher who couldn’t speak English! Wow!

  1. The teacher uses memorisation, or use books and material that do this.

This teacher taught totally via memorisation, and used material (downloaded from the Internet) to do this. Student just copied down speaking and writing answers, and he told them what to copy.

  1. The teacher/school makes claims of ‘guaranteed scores’.

This teacher every class guaranteed IELTS 7, and just kept guaranteeing it endlessly to make the students pay more money.

  1. The teacher talks and ‘explains’ all the time in class.

This teacher did exactly that all the time – just explained (in Chinese) to the students (who then had to memorise).

  1. The teacher advertises, ‘You only talk to me’.

Since the teacher couldn’t speak English, he probably didn’t do this.

  1. The teacher claims (s)he can predict the answers in the IELTS test (whatever that means).

I have no information about this.

So, this person had at least four of the signs of being fake/not-real. Remember, just …

… one of these signs means they are a fake!

This person had four! The fact that he is a fake should have been immediately realised by everyone. The trouble is, so many students do not care about signs.

Okay, why don’t we continue the analysis, but this time use the ‘worrying signs’?

The Six Signs Which Should Make You (Very) Worried

  1. The school or teacher does not allow observation.

I’m not sure if the teacher allowed this or not.

  1. The school or teacher only uses a whiteboard.

This person didn’t even use a whiteboard. He just handed out downloaded material from the Internet, which he got students to memorise.

  1. The IELTS course is short (or very short).

I’m not sure about this. While the students were willing to pay money, he just continued his fake teaching.

  1. The teacher corrects IELTS Writing Assignments in class (and makes you write in class).

This teacher didn’t even correct! Students just had to memorise!

  1. The teacher shows no TEFL qualifications, or no proof of TEFL qualifications (or just claims that they got an IELTS 9).

This person had no TEFL qualifications, and showed none.

  1. The teacher says he is a ‘former’ IELTS examiner.

No, because he is Taiwanese, so no one could believe it.

So, this person had at least three of the worrying signs (2, 4, and 5). Remember, just one of these signs means you should be worried. This person had three!

Let’s summarise. The fake had four signs of being fake/not-real, and three signs that you should be worried. Remember, one sign of being fake/not-real means the teacher is a fake/not-real, and any worrying sign means that you should start investigating carefully.

Here’s my point.

Everyone! Put your school and your teacher through this test. Apply the ‘signs of being fake/not-real’ and the ‘signs you should be worried’ to EVERY teacher of English/IELTS you have!

If everyone did this, most of the schools and teachers would quickly go broke, and the ‘bushiban’ industry would eventually have to respond. Quality education, true learning, and the noble spirit (of actually helping others) would eventually emerge, and become the ruling ethic of the teaching industry. Wow! Wouldn’t that be amazing! And only you, the student, can make it happen!

Can you do this? Hmmmmmm.

Anyhow, the next post will summarise all the signs of being fake/not-real and signs which should worry you.

Now, check that you know the meaning of the underlined vocabulary (also repeated below).

  • to be naïve (adj)
  • to be gullible (adj)
  • an analysis (n)
  • to go broke (v)
  • ethic (n)

If you want to find out more about me, go to aisielts.com .

(46 of 50) CLT & TAIWAN: How to Use the Signs of Being Fake/Not-real & Signs of Worry

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How to Use the Signs of Being Fake/Not-real & Signs of Worry

A Little Background

Do you remember what CELTA stands for? It stands for the Certificate of English Language Teaching to Adults, and it is the basic TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) qualification.

Here’s an interesting fact. I am a CELTA-tutor, but I can’t work as a CELTA tutor in Taiwan. This is because Taiwan does not have any CELTA providers. It is impossible for anyone to do a CELTA course in this country. But you can do this course in Korea and Japan, Vietnam and the Philippines, Indonesia and Malaysia. But not here in Taiwan.

When I arrived back in Taiwan 10 years ago, I contacted the British Council, where there was another CELTA tutor. This was because, to provide CELTA courses, you need two tutors, so I spoke to this other tutor about whether we could start CELTA courses here in Taiwan.

He told me that British Council had been considering this, but had realised that there was too little demand in this country for such a course. In other words, there would not be enough people interested in doing the course. A CELTA training centre would simply lose money, and eventually have to close through lack of customers.

Why is this so? The answer: because in this country, no one needs qualifications to teach. Students don’t ask about this, and students don’t care. Students don’t educate themselves about the nature of real language teaching, and don’t demand better from their teachers. Most students expect memorisation, are happy with memorisation, and anybody walking on the street or feeding pigeons in the park or sitting on a bus can give memorisation, so these people are happy as well.

Unfortunately, that is Taiwan. And that’s the background (and the problem) to everything, including the following warning story.

A Story // The Risks for You

Let’s put the signs of being fake/not-real and worry into practice. To do this, I need to first give a story of one egregious fake. He operated via PTT for years, and he used the method which I described in Posts 26 and 27. Go back right now and read these posts. That is exactly what he did.

I realised immediately that this person was a fake, and possibly a dangerous individual, and possibly mentally sick. But it is not my role to say anything; students have to learn for themselves. I did give my general warnings on my pixnet (which, unfortunately, so few students read) about how it is risky (particularly for young women) to visit total strangers in coffee shops, and just give them money, and that you should always check for the credentials of anyone who claims to know about IELTS. But unfortunately it never stops anyone.

The fake operated for years, and certainly made a huge amount of money. Then, one student went on PTT to say the truth about him. This student also mentioned his dangerous behavior, and possible mental sickness. Then another student added her comments, and then another and another, and suddenly this fake teacher was exposed.

By the way, this fake teacher re-emerged on PTT a few months ago (after a year of being quiet after his exposure); however, other PTT users immediately began warning people about him. However, I still feel he’ll be able to trick more students. He goes on other PTT boards, plays other roles, and keeps trying. And students will probably keep falling for it.

And that is the trouble. Students don’t think about the signs of being fake/not-real, and the signs you should be worried about. So, in the next few posts let’s show how these signs can be practically applied by using them to analyse this fake.

I’ll do that in the next post.

Now, check that you know the meaning of the underlined vocabulary (also repeated below).

  • to be egregious (adj)
  • to emerge (v)
  • exposure (n)
  • a role (n)

If you want to find out more about me, go to aisielts.com .

雅思考試一戰7分 (L 8.5分)

雅思一戰7.0

成績: L:8.5 S: 7.0 R: 6.5 W: 6.0

過去背景: TOEIC 925

補習: Andrew Weekday Courses (W&L 和 R&S都有上)

準備時間: 3-4週 (不包含補習的時候)

地點:台北車站附近

課程基本介紹: 主要將聽說讀寫分成聽&寫和說&讀兩個,可以依個人需求選擇想要上的課

程。Andrew是一個很用心的老師,從他的ppt可以看出他真的在這項考試中專研許久。老

師的課程很有規劃,為實用導向,基本上就是跟著老師的步調走,上課風格不無聊不會想

睡覺(我當時班上的同學沒人上課睡覺過),純正澳洲口音(現在在外商公司實習,發現澳

洲同事也是這個口音),平時會出一些作業,包含作文以及做一些 research。整體而言我

還蠻喜歡的,但為期一個月左右每天上課的確有些累人,建議同學如果時間允許且四科都

要補的話可以第一個月W&L第二個月R&S或相反,這樣可以讓自己在這段時間一直保持語感

,也不會那麼累,但一切還是要看自己的學習方式及時間規劃,以上建議僅供參考。

聽: 聽力的部分我個人認為其實挺看自己本身的實力,能準備的也就是熟悉考試方式,老

師在這個部分沒有著墨太多我想也是因為這個原因。在準備期間我在通勤時不聽音樂改聽

BBC Radio (iOS app名稱: iPlayer radio),為英式口音,廣播內容主要有新聞、音樂、

時事探討以及民眾call in等。新聞的部分語速較快,比較適合英文程度較好的人們,新

聞每隔一段時間就會重複講述,第一次聽不懂還可以聽第二次。民眾call in會結合一些

時事和當地發生的事,我自己很喜歡收聽這個系列,本身模式就很像雅思的口說考試(只

是問題不一樣),可以從中聽到一些他人回答的方式,包括停頓、語法、個人習慣甚麼的

,還蠻有用的。

說: 口說Andrew會教很多實用的技巧,像是一些轉折詞、發語詞(開頭)和一些語調的起伏

,目的就是要讓你講話更自然。問題主要是依據上課用的課本和ppt,而回答的方式則依

據個人經驗,沒有制式答案。老師很注重誠實原則,他認為只要講得多,講得流利,自然

而然同學便可以證明其英文能力。口說的準備我有另外下載雅思哥(與app名稱同名),這

是班上一位同學推薦給我的,他說他的那場考試有八成的題目一樣,網路上也有不少人說

題目很準,然而不幸如我,我的那場口試題目並沒有太多雷同之處。

讀: 有爬過文或是看過題目的人應該有注意到,雅思的閱讀跟我們平常所熟悉的選擇題或

多益題目十分的不同。Reading的部分老師會教一些答題技巧,讓學生可以快速的找到答

案。我個人覺得老師的方式還蠻不錯的,在答題上真的有比較快一些,大多數人在應用這

個模式答對率也都有所提高。在閱讀的準備上,我就是一直練習題目,熟悉考試方式並且

計時,然後盡可能的背一些單字。

寫: 最後,想必這個項目是許多人的罩門吧!其實我本身也不例外。Andrew在這個部分有

非常完整的架構供學生可以在短時間內寫出一個像樣的作文,詳細的架構我就不在這邊多

做透露。在上課期間老師會出作文作業讓我們回家邊寫邊計時,並且在下一次繳交讓老師

批改,老師批改的很詳細,各種錯誤包括單字、文法、流暢、邏輯都會涉略,而他會要求

學生一定要更正過,且要先自己想過,不會的再問他。我還蠻認同這個做法,因為唯有自

己想過才能真的有印象。課程結束後,我自己還有多寫了約20篇的作文,題目主要就是IE

LTS Cambridge裡面的題目,但礙於時間緊迫,我沒有請人批改,所以主要就是在練習在

有限的時間內寫出超過規定字數的作文。課後我有私底下問老師有沒有幫忙改作文的服務

,是有的但要收費,我自己覺得收費稍稍貴了點,但我想也因為老師說會改的很詳細才會

收這個費用吧!

個人心得: 當初大三補雅思是想提早準備這門考試,好讓自己在未來申請國外研究所時不

會全部的事情都攪在一起,然而計畫趕不上變化,後來因為要申請學校交換學生計畫所以

原本從容的計畫變得十分倉促,在這樣的狀況下於是選擇短時間爆發式的準備,不到一個

月的準備時間老實說真的蠻趕的,畢竟有四個子項目要做準備。整體而言,我想以「為自

己塑造全英環境」來概之。除了跟家人朋友傳訊息、講話或是出門買東西,其他事情我能

把語言改成英文就用英文,以休閒娛樂為例,那段時間我只聽英文歌,休閒時看國外電影

或是劇集,且能的話就不開字幕或是開英文字幕,一陣子之後,你會發現你腦中會開始用

英文思考,所謂「語感」就是這樣獲得的。當然,我必須要說,每個人的準備方式可能會

因為程度、時間安排、習慣等個人因素有所不同,同一個方式絕對不會適用於全部人,這

也是為什麼要在文中提及過去背景及準備時間之類的重要指標。

另一個部分就是考試當下啦,我是去TICC考場應試,考試的規格真的很像電影模範生裡面

的考試場景。只能說「緊張」非常礙事,那些說考這種攸關未來且花了七千塊的考試不會

緊張是騙人的,但同時也要知悉,緊張會讓自己不能發揮得完全,我自己就深受其害。期

許未來考試的人們,做好心態上的調適,不管甚麼方式,真的要試著讓自己「盡量」撇開

緊張焦慮的情緒。最後,希望這篇花了一個早上打的文章能對讀者多少有實質上的幫助,

也祝福要考雅思的同學能夠順利過關!

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(以上為轉發的原文)

第一次發文+代PO獻給學長了