Concision Rides Again (9 of 12) Another ‘Circling paragraph’

Concision Rides Again (9 of 12)

‘Circling paragraph’ are common, and responsible for low IELTS scores. Here’s another example.

Another cause of the losing of culture of aboriginal groups is that the youth of these native aboriginals usually do not understand the importance of protecting their unique and traditional customs. These days, most aboriginal children need to go to the city to get an education, and most of them stay and do not go back to their hometowns after they graduate from university. As a result, they usually lose the opportunity to undertstand the history of their culture. [79 words]

Try making this paragraph more concise.

Cut out all the repetitive words and ideas to just leave the main message remaining.

Can you then build up the paragraph in a better way?

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

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