In the previous post, I quoted from my own IELTS Writing Task Two book (Page 33, at the bottom). This page compares the sentence …
When people try to park cars in cities, they usually find it difficult. [13 words]
Parking cars in cities is usually difficult. [7 words]
and concludes …
This new sentence is much shorter, and makes the same point. That is, the sentence is concise, and concision is a sign of a good writer.
This rule should be your rule in IELTS Writing. If a sentence can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THAT SENTENCES! You then have time to …
- write more,
- say more,
- and achieve more of the task.
It’s time to practice.
Try making the following sentences more concise.
- Hospitals can provide better care to help people in society maintain a higher standard of health. [16 words]
- This helps them to deal with the threats originating from other countries. [12 words]
- The nicotine in cigarettes makes people become addicted to this habit. [11 words]
- People will think more carefully before buying a packet of cigarettes or smoking whenever they want. [16 words]
- Imagination inspires scientists to invent products which did not exist originally. [11 words]
- People can watch each others’ health to prevent a serious health problem. [12 words]
Answers to Being Concise (5 of 8).
- This problem is a global. [5 words; originally 12]
- This helps them at school. [5 words; originally 14] // This improves their learning at school. [6 words; originally 15]
- It also affects the surrounding non-smokers. [6 words; originally 12]
- With guns, people can commit suicide more easily. [8 words; originally 21]
- Scientists can research space. [4 words; originally 8]
- Women are now financially independent. [5 words; originally 13]