(27 of 50) MODERN LANGUAGE TEACHING (CLT) & TAIWAN: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT
About Fake/Not-Real Teachers of IELTS/English: Introduction II
In the previous post, I mentioned if you are totally dishonest, corrupt, sneaky, malicious, do not care about your students, and clever at manipulating the social media tools, you can earn lots of money by ‘teaching’ IELTS in Taiwan. If you have these ‘qualities’, you need to take the following steps to start earning your money.
How to Earn Lots of Money in Taiwan:
Making the Money
Just give yourself a ‘teacher name’, such as …. hmmmm … ‘Teacher Peterson’. Open 7 different PTT accounts. PTT is the popular online conferencing board. Write a post on this board saying that you (‘Peterson’) are teaching IELTS. Give an absolutely ridiculous motivation for doing something for free.
For example, say that your father died of cancer, but before he died, he made you promise to be nice to people, and now you want to fulfil your father’s wish. [Don’t laugh; that’s what the fake actually said – but I am getting ahead of myself]. Or say that you are independently rich, and you feel guilty about having so much money, so you feel it is your turn to help society. [Don’t laugh; he said this, too, using a different ‘teacher name’].
In short, write some totally ridiculous piece of nonsense trying to establish that you are an innocent, ultruistic, and noble human being who genuinely wants to help others around him, and aren’t interested at all in getting money.
Remember to lie about your experience and qualifications. Tell everyone you have a masters in TEFL, and a PHD in linguistics, and five years experience in London teaching IELTS at Queen Mary’s College, and trained teachers at St. Peters John University in the Advanced Literature Department. Remember, you will never have to actually prove anything. If you don’t know what to say, ask for the potential students to send you copies of the qualifications, saying something like, ‘Before I teach anyone for free, I want to know if they are the right sort of people’. Then study the copies of the foreign qualifications people send in, and repeat some of them as your own.
Now ask students to meet you in coffee shops for ‘free’ lessons. The ‘free’ part will draw students in, and then after that, tell them they actually have to pay if they want the ‘real’ IELTS lessons.
Use your other PTT account to pretend you are a student, and put posts on PTT about how your ‘Teacher Peterson’ helped you to get IELTS 7, 7, 7, and 7.
You can even create a fake pixnet account, saying how wonderful the teacher is. Then write lots of follow up comments about how perfect the teacher is, and how you got high IELTS scores. Just write …
‘In three weeks I got IELTS 7, 7, 7, 7 – shock, wonder, wow! Teacher Peterson is amazing!”
Remember, students will all hit the ‘like’ button. Some of the more simple-minded may give sycophantic comments.
When you write the testimonies, the Chinese writing for all of them can be similar, and even badly written (because remember, you are uneducated, without even a university degree). In fact, the Chinese doesn’t even have to make sense. You can even cut and paste the same paragraph into two different testimonies, and play the role of both male and female students. No one seems to notice or care. Everyone just presses ‘like’!
Finally, you can even type up ‘official’ IELTS test result line messages, pretending they are from IDP or British Council, and take pictures of these, showing the results 7, 7, 7, 7, and put these on PTT with the fake ‘testimony’.
When you meet students in coffee shops, tell them that the ‘free’ part is only for the first lesson, and they will have to pay for the ‘real’ teaching. Keep telling them they are guaranteed to get IELTS 7 if they do this. If anyone doesn’t get a good mark, just keep telling them they need to continue their studies.
Can I repeat one thing? You have to continually be sneaky and dishonest, and not care about your students. And one last thing: you can’t have any ethics or a conscience. In short, you have to be totally corrupt.
Now, continue with Steps 1 – 4, and start counting all the money you are making. If you do Steps 1 – 4 for long enough, you could even become ‘famous’, and the big money just flows in.
Now, check that you know the meaning of the underlined vocabulary (also repeated below).
- to be ultruistic (adj)
- draw sb. in (v)
- to be sycophantic (adj)
- to paste (v)
- a role (n)
- ethics (n)
- a conscience (n)
If you want to find out more about me, go to aisielts.com .